Hopeful Chances: Alice and Jasper's story
by XoX Secret Lover XoX
Summary: Alice and Jasper never get true 'airtime', or a true explanation of their stories and lives in the books. What about their childhoods, their lives before they met each other, and even their life before the Cullens? What was it like for them?
1. A Wrinkly Arrival

**Okay. Here we go. My first story on fan-fiction! I've always loved Alice and Jasper since I read the books the first time, and I've always wanted to write their story. Now, finally, I'm getting to it. I hope you enjoy this as much as I am writing it.**

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1850

_Jasper_

I sighed and fell down against the dirty ground. Pa had made me do all these farm chores as soon as I had woken up! It had been hours and _hours_ since I had been in my own room with some of my toys. Pa had told me that working was a part of growing up, but I didn't want to work around the farm. I wanted to ride my horse, but Nathan, the stable hand, had said that Pa had said that I couldn't go riding without him. To make my day even worse, Billy wouldn't take me down to Alan's house, so maybe I wouldn't be so bored! Pa was completely ruining my day. I was tired and I couldn't even go inside. No one was letting me do anything.

"Jasper?" I looked up to see Pa calling for me. Yes! Maybe I'd be able to do something!

"Pa! I'm over here!" I called, and Pa started walking over to me.

"Pa, why haven't I been able to do anything today?" Pa chuckled. I didn't see what was so funny.

"Your mother wanted to keep you close today."

"Why, Pa?" Ma usually would let me do whatever I wanted around the plantation; not be the one to make me stay and do nothing.

..."Mother usually would let me do whatever I wanted around the plantation; not the one to make me stay and do nothing ..."Mother usually would let me do whatever I wanted around the plantation; not the one to make me stay and do nothing

"Jasper, what did I say about so many questions?" Pa scolded me. I _hated_ being scolded.

"I am sorry, Pa." I hoped that Pa would accept my apology quickly – Pa's lectures were not fun at all.

"Your apology is accepted, Jasper." Pa sighed and then kneeled down so he could look me in the eye. Was he going to scold me some or something?

"Now, Jasper, Nathan said you have been very good today. Would you like to see a surprise, Jasper?" Of course! I smiled wildly up at Pa.

"Yes!" Pa laughed at me – I still didn't get was so funny.

"Go ahead and run back up on to the house. Your mother is in the sitting room. Be nice to her – she's very tired today." I nodded, but could barely hear his words. I was going to have a surprise! Maybe it was a new horse, or maybe a new toy, or a book or something. I never got presents, except on Christmas or on my birthday…this was going to be so amazing!

Running back to the house wasn't that hard, really. I bounded up the front steps and into the sitting room, where Ma was sitting in the front with a …a blanket in her arms.

"Pa said I have a surprise. But, it's not my birthday and…I don't want a blanket." Ma laughed. How was I so funny? I wasn't making any jokes or anything.

"Oh, Jasper. I know it's not your birthday yet. Still, your father and I have a surprise for you." Ma looked over at LeLe, the house slave, and they both smiled at each other. What was happening, exactly?

"Is it a blanket?"

"No, Jasper, it is not a blanket." Ma smiled at me.

"Jasper, how would you feel about a sister?" I blinked. A sister?

"Um…" Ma laughed.

"I don't expect you to have a reaction immediately. But, you do have a sister right now." What?

"Really?" Ma smiled at me as I stepped forward just a bit.

"Yes, Jasper. Come here and meet your baby sister." Ma leaned down slightly to show a small, wrinkly little thing inside the blanket. She wasn't very cute.

"Is that my sister?" Ma nodded at me.

"Yes, Jasper. This is your sister. Her name is Catherine." I turned my head to get a better look of her. She was sleeping now. She'd probably not be able to ride horses with me for a long time.

"She's so…wrinkly…" Ma and LeLe laughed again. I groaned and Ma looked at me strangely.

"Jasper, what on earth is wrong?"

"Everyone has been laughing at me today and I don't get why I have been so funny!" And, then of course, LeLe and Ma started laughing again.

"Oh, Jasper! You are just a ball of fun, that's it." I sighed and wished that they'd stop laughing. All of a sudden, LeLe and Ma stopped. Finally.

"Ma, can I go up to my room?" Ma nodded.

"Yes, Jasper. LeLe will fetch you when dinner is ready." I nodded and then raced up the steps to my room.

I sighed and fell down on my bed. So I had a sister. Hm. Catherine Whitlock. She was so tiny in that blanket that Ma had her wrapped in. I was only six and tall, like Pa, but Catherine looked as tiny as a bird. She probably wouldn't be much fun to ride horses for awhile. Alan's sister, Emily, probably would like her when Catherine got older. She was three now – she wasn't that much older than Catherine.

I got up off my bed and grabbed a book off the shelf in the corner of my room. My toys didn't seem so appealing right now. A book would keep me content until dinner.

Maybe I'd be able to read to Catherine someday…

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**I hope that six-year old Jasper is as cute as I imagine him to be. I can just see him all short and cute with those blonde curls, pouting around his giant plantation because he can't do anything.**

**Reviews are going to be greatly appreciated, seeing as this is my first story. : )**


	2. Surprising Reactions

1853

_Jasper_

Sometimes I liked school, sometimes I didn't like it. Usually, I'd be paying close attention to everything and behaving exactly like I should, but lately, I wasn't interested in school. Catherine was getting mischievous with everything and stressing Ma. Pa wanted to take Catherine to school and try to start her education early, but the school teacher wouldn't take her for another year. At least.

And since Ma had her hands full with Catherine, I was doing women's work around the house. LeLe tried and tried to teach me how to cook, but I usually ended up destroying the food and LeLe would have to fix my mistakes again. And again. And again.

There were other chores that Ma made me do, too, and none of them were fun. While the stuff that Pa made me do was a lot harder, I had a lot more fun. But, since I was already doing things that weren't fun, to add Ma's work made me lack motivation to do my school work.

So, home on the plantation wasn't as fun as it used to be.

"Alright, children, that's the last lesson of the day." Mrs. Shepherd, the preacher's wife and teacher, dusted her hands from chalk and then let us go. Chaos immediately ensued as kids from the ages of five to seventeen started to run out of the one-room schoolhouse doors. I sighed and slowly tied my books together in their small stack. Just as I was about to leave, Mrs. Shepherd called my name.

"Jasper?" I looked behind me.

"Yes, Mrs. Shepherd?" I stepped forward towards the front of the classroom where Mrs. Shepherd was standing.

"Jasper, do you enjoy school?" Why would she be asking that?

"Yes, Mrs. Shepherd." I simply answered with the truth.

"Well, Jasper, I hope that you know that you're doing very well in school. But, I've noticed that your work is significantly better in class, rather than the work you do at home that I send with you when you leave." Mrs. Shepherd walked over and kneeled down in front of where I was standing.

"Is there anything wrong at home, Jasper?" I sighed. Mrs. Shepherd liked to overreact.

"No, m'am. My mother just has her hands full with my sister and doesn't have time to do her chores around the house so I have to do them. I do not like the work, and when I get around to my schoolwork, I just don't want to do it then." Mrs. Shepherd smiled at me and laughed.

"That is fine, Jasper - just try and keep a hold of your grades. And Catherine will learn to shape up soon - do not worry, Jasper." I nodded at Mrs. Shepherd's advice. She wasn't the best teacher, though she was friendly and nice.

"I will do my best, m'am." Mrs. Shepherd smiled at me and stood.

"Now run along, Jasper. I don't want to keep you for too long." I smiled up at Mrs. Shepherd and then turned straight around and ran out the door. Alan, Jonathan, and Carter were too far ahead for me to try and catch up. Some time alone to just walk along the town roads until Pa found me and brought me back to the plantation.

Houston was a busy town, and I surprisingly liked it. Quiet and silence was really cool to me, but the way that Houston worked was just…fascinating. I really didn't know how to explain it.

I walked around the town square for a bit before I found Pa. He was talking with the butcher, Gregory Taylor, our horses tied to the post only a few feet from the shop. I ran over to Pa, smiling and ready to go home, just do my chores, finish my schoolwork, and then go to bed.

"Hello, Jasper. Did you have a nice day at school?" Pa asked. My talk with Mrs. Shepherd wasn't needed to be voiced quite yet.

"Yes, Pa. It was great." Pa nodded approvingly and then turned back to the butcher.

"Well, Greg, I'll be back tomorrow, ready for my order. Around this same time sound good?" Pa held out his hand. I was already ten years old and I still didn't really get why adults did that. Mr. Taylor shook Pa's hand.

"Sounds good, Robert." Pa turned to me then as Mr. Taylor had to consult with another customer. I looked up at Pa as we walked away and Pa set a hand on my shoulder.

"Is Catherine doing any better, Pa?" Pa sighed impatiently and shook his head at my question.

"I'm afraid not, Jasper. Catherine broke one of your mother's vases today and your mother is nearly at her wit's end." Pa mounted his horse, Nell, and I mounted mine as I frowned. It seemed like I'd have to do chores again. I knew I was going t ohave to do them, but I did hope every night that I wouldn't have to.

"What is wrong, Jasper?" I sighed as I followed Pa out of the town and towards the plantation.

"I am just tired of doing Ma's chores. I miss just riding around and not cooking with LeLe," I replied, speaking the complete truth. But, the complete truth was not satisfactory with Pa.

"Jasper, you know you will do what is asked of you with no questions or complaints." I nodded. Again, I was being scolded again by Pa. Why couldn't he just understand I didn't want to do Ma's jobs? Pa looked back to the road and I glared at him and kept wishing that Pa could just understand what I felt.

Pa cleared his throat after a few seconds of silence.

"But, I know it can't be fun for you, so I'll talk to your Ma and then see if we can work something out with LeLe. Maybe she can do your mother's work for you." I smiled brightly.

"Does that mean I get to ride my horse?"

"Yes, Jasper, it does." Yes! Finally! No more cooking and cleaning for me!

"We'll just have to see if Catherine wants to agree with that decision." I frowned at Pa's comment. Catherine, even though she was so little, loved to get into trouble.

"I could take her off Ma's hands, Pa." Pa looked back around at me.

"She's a lot to handle, Jasper. Are you sure you can deal with that?" I nodded. Pa pursed his lips for a moment and then sighed.

"I assume that'll be fine. Caroline will keep an eye on you, though, just in case." I nodded. Even though I'd have to watch after Catherine and have Caroline, another house slave, accompany me around the plantation, it was a welcome change compared to what I had been used to before with Ma.

Pa and I were at the house around fifteen minutes later. Nathan took Nell and my horse, Lightning, and took them back to the stables. I followed after Pa as we walked into the sitting room where Ma was sitting, her blonde hair falling out of its usually neat bun, looking over papers, with Catherine sitting at her feet and tugging at Ma's dress.

I looked over at Catherine. Maybe if she'd just be a bit more easy to deal with…

A few seconds later, Catherine stopped playing with Ma's skirt and then looked over at Pa and I and grinned.

"Papa! Jaspa!" Catherine had a bit of a hard time saying the R in my name – hence why she called me "Jaspa" and not "Jasper".

"Hello, Catherine," I smiled down at my baby sister as she picked herself up and toddled over to Pa and I. It was funny – I could almost feel her excitement about seeing Pa and I. At the same time, I could sense Ma's stress and Pa's discontent about Ma having to constantly deal with Catherine and her antics.

"Oh, Jasper. Thank Goodness that you're home from school. I need some things to be done in the kitchen." I frowned, not being able to help it, but got slightly distracted as Catherine put her tiny hand in mine.

"Actually, Mary, I think that maybe Jasper should have the night off from all the chores we've been giving him. He's volunteered to keep Catherine occupied. LeLe can take on the extra few tasks very easily." Ma pursed her lips at Pa's proposal. I looked over at Ma and imagined in my head that I could influence Ma into saying yes.

"I'm not sure about that, Robert." I imagined a bit harder. After a few seconds, Ma sighed.

"Well, actually, I guess its fine for one night. Caroline will watch them, right?" Pa nodded.

"Of course." Wait…was Ma really thinking about giving in? Was I really going to be able to go outside and be free, even if just for a night?

"Then I guess it is okay." Ma rang the bell next to her for LeLe. The authoritative woman was standing behind Pa and me only a few seconds later.

"LeLe, could you please find Caroline and tell her that she needs to watch after Jasper and Catherine tonight?" LeLe nodded.

"Yes, my mistress. I'll send for her immediately. Where should I send her?"

"Just outside on the front porch. Jasper and Catherine will be waiting for her."

"Yes, mistress." LeLe then disappeared almost as quickly as she had showed up.

Without much else to do, I looked down at Catherine who was watching the world around her with a naïve, studious nature.

"Come on, Catherine. We're going to go and play outside." Catherine took her hand from mine and clapped.

"Yay!" And with that, Catherine was heading down the hallway and out to the front porch. She moved fast for being so young and so small.

"Wait, Catherine. We need to wait here on the porch for Caroline." I just barely caught Catherine on the porch steps before she started bounding down and could possibly trip.

"But, Jaspa…" Catherine whined and looked up at me, her big, brown eyes sad and unhappy that she had to wait.

"I know, Catty, I know." Catherine brightened up when she recognized my small nickname for her.

I sighed and sat down on a chair on the porch as I watched Catherine sit down at my feet and fiddle with the ends of her dress.

What was with Ma all of a sudden agreeing with Pa's suggestion? And then there was Catherine quieting down, and Pa also agreeing that I needed some extra space and time. Catherine was nearly impossible to quiet down, and Ma and Pa never agreed with me about what to do.

I had wished really badly, though, that all of their reactions actually would happen. Did I have something to do with it? It would be interesting, that was for sure, if it was true. What would Pa call it? It took me awhile to find the word in my head – _charisma_. Yes. That was it. Charisma. Did I have charisma? Maybe it was just luck.

But, as I looked down at Catherine as she followed a lightning bug that was flying around her head, I had a feeling that it wasn't luck. I wasn't the luckiest person in the world, why would it be gracing me now all of a sudden?

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**Chapter 2 is done! I'm actually quite proud of myself that I got a second chapter out, especially with how this chapter didn't want to be written.**

**Anyways. Jasper is starting to notice his...erm...charisma! Any reviews on how he kind of 'took notice', comments on how adorable Catherine is, or anything else would be greatly appreciated.**

**I might not have another chapter out tomorrow, but we'll see. Hopefully, I'll get some time. : )**


	3. Talks of the Future

1860

_Jasper_

"Do you know what we are doing for my birthday tomorrow, Jasper? I am turning ten, you know. That is a very important age." Catherine hung onto my arm, her blond curls braded down her back. She was smiling brightly, so happy that I was happier because I was surrounded by her joy. Ever since the day after she turned nine, Catherine was looking forward to and practically counting down the days until she was ten.

"Yes, Catherine, I know what Ma and Pa are doing for you birthday tomorrow. And I know that you're turning ten tomorrow. You haven't let a single person in all of Texas live without knowing what date Catherine Mary Whitlock's birthday is." I smirked down at Catherine as she rolled her eyes at me.

"Well, what are we doing tomorrow, then?" I laughed at Catherine's curiosity.

"It is a surprise, Catty. You will just have to wait until tomorrow." While Catherine always liked it when I used my nickname for her, she was quite impatient about some things and this was one of them. She was going to start to become annoyed very soon. Maybe I could -

"Mister Whitlock!" I turned around with Catherine to see where my name had come from. Sincerely, I hoped and prayed that it was maybe Caleb Taylor, Mr. Taylor's son, who had recently taken on the butcher shop, asking me about my father's order or just anyone at all, except the one of many women that loved to try and flirt with me. Catherine was even by my side – there _had_ to be a chance that my baby sister would ward off the flags of women that were somehow interested in me.

But, who I saw was Annabelle Falls, one of my many faithful supporters. Her flaming red hair was pulled back under a large brimmed hat and was wearing a dress that would be a bit more appropriate for a dance. Annabelle always liked to dress up.

"Hello, Miss Falls." Catherine's amusement was radiating off of her as I tried not to grimace.

"Are you going to be at the ice cream social tomorrow?" I tried not to smile in relief – this was the third time this week I was asked about the small festivity and I was so glad that not only was it Catherine's birthday tomorrow, but that she didn't want to go to it so I wouldn't have to accompany her and be attacked by all the single women.

"I'm afraid not, m'am." Catherine laughed under her breath – she knew I felt no sorrow in not going to the social. "See, it is my sister Catherine's-" Catherine curtsied slightly on cue, "-birthday tomorrow and I already have plans to spend the day with my family." While I was actually a very good actor, it was quite apparent that Annabelle was the exact opposite. Her light green eyes darkened and she openly frowned.

"Well, that is just a shame. I will just have to see you at next month's social then. It was a pleasure talking to you, Mister Whitlock." I bowed my head slightly.

"The pleasure was mine, m'am." Sometimes I wished that Pa had taught me to be a little less polite to women so out-rightly playful.

Without another word, Annabelle went her own way and I went mine with Catherine back to where our horses were waiting for us.

"You are way too nice for your own good, Jasper," Catherine said, laughing at something that I wasn't quite sure about.

"What do you mean, Catherine?" I helped Catherine onto her horse, Elle, who was a bit too tall for her. Still, Catherine loved that horse to death and I wasn't about to tell her that she should probably be riding a horse more fitting to her own size.

"How you treated Annabelle Falls back there. She's so…disgustingly flirty. I do not even really see why she thinks you are so special in the first place." I mounted my horse, laughing at Catherine's jab at me. She always loved to tease.

"Catty, Catty, Catty," I sighed. Catherine laughed at me softly as I just smirked to myself and headed off towards the family plantation.

After the first mile or so, Catherine came up behind me and started to slowly gallop. I could the wicked glint in her brown eyes.

"The winner takes the loser's chores for the night? Is the finish line same as always?" An impish smile appeared on Catherine's face.

"Have fun cooking tonight, brother." Catherine then signaled to her horse to gallop, as did I, and we were off. For the first half of our small race, I clearly had the lead. I was seven years older than Catherine and had a natural talent with horses, like our father. Catherine, however, wasn't quite as natural with horses like I was and more like our mother with him – and our mother wasn't the most skilled horseman ever.

But, surprisingly, I could hear the footfalls of Elle grow louder and louder as we turned down the road to our plantation. Eight times out of then, I won when it came to our small horse races. Elle was a young horse, being only three, and did have age to her side. Lightning was now ten years old. But, I didn't name my horse "Lightning" to take advantage of a use for irony.

Next thing I knew, Elle and Catherine were right next to Lightning and I. In that moment I was certain she had been practicing for a situation such as the one we were both in. Catherine now had a look on her face (and emotions) that clearly said one thing: she was certain that she was going to win.

Right around now is when I would feign Lightning getting tired and Catherine would therefore win, if I simply let it happen. But, I decided that, considering I was still in a slight foul mood because of Annabelle Falls, if Catherine would win, she'd be winning because she won fairly.

I was the first to the stable doors by only two seconds, if that. Catherine sighed and glared at me as I victoriously smiled up at her. She wasn't happy that I had won, seeing as it was the night before her birthday, but Ma and LeLe weren't going to let her do a single thing tomorrow night, so I felt no guilt in winning.

"Sore loser, Catherine?" I crossed my arms and leaned against the stable door, still wallowing in my win.

"Sore winner, Jasper?" I laughed, amused by Catherine's attempt to be mad. Since Catherine was usually so lively and likeable, it was so hard for anyone at all to take her seriously if she ever snapped at you.

"Oh, Catty. There are plenty of other races in the future, do not worry." I ruffled Catherine's hair as she walked up by me.

"Oh, I know. But you will be beaten next time, brother!" Catherine laughed and ran over and into the house as I followed behind her, also laughing. It was so easy for me to feel a bit more carefree than usual around Catherine – she was so cheerful all the time that even Mr. Shepherd, the grumpy preacher, would smile at Catherine whenever she was present.

Pa and Ma were in the sitting room – Pa was reading the newspaper and Ma was knitting a blanket together.

"Hello, Father. Mother." Catherine gave both Pa and Ma a kiss on the cheek as I simply just nodded at my father, showing that I was there, and then patted my mother's shoulder. Catherine and I both took our respectful seats in the room, and waited for someone to ask us a question.

"How was school today?" Ma asked. She always asked about school. Ma loved learning. She actually had been a teacher until she had me and decided to stay home and raise me. It was a smart decision, seeing as I liked to explore and was constantly getting in the way of the slaves around the house because I wanted to be in charge and do everything.

"Great. Though all Ms. Shepherd talked about today was how there are talks of secession in South Carolina and Abraham Lincoln." Catherine's disdain for the nation's unease over so many things was easy to tell in her tone. And then Pa's discontent for Catherine's feelings immediately shot through the roof in reply.

"Catherine, you should be aware of what's happening in the nation. I cannot approve of what the North is trying to control us into doing, but I will say you need to know. I will not hear that tone again when you talk about our country. Am I clear, Catherine?" Catherine's mood, already somewhat soggy from my win on our horse race, dipped down into frozen temperatures. I felt bad for her – she hated war and anything violent, and how with everything was going, even Catherine, at almost ten years old, could tell that a civil war could very well break out.

"Jasper, do you have any thoughts?" Now that surprised me. Usually, I just stayed in the background on family matters. It only took me a few moments to see my father's tactic with bringing me into the conversation, though: he wanted my influence over Catherine to sway her opinion about the nation and its uneasy state.

I cleared my throat and tried to gather the correct words so Pa wouldn't turn around and start to scold me.

"Our views on slavery are all the same, to begin with." The entire Whitlock family, or at least my immediate family that lived under the same house that I did, thought of slavery as this: it was inhumane to treat slaves so brutally, as it was a lot in the South, but they were still property and should be treated certain ways. Like Nathan, the stable hand, or LeLe, or Caroline. Since I could remember, Nathan was working the stables, LeLe was keeping the house under control, and Caroline was always setting the tables when it was time for dinner, lunch on breakfast.

"But, if it was abolished, the entire Southern economy would collapse and every person that lives from Virginia down would be incredibly poor. The South also provides the entire country with fruits, vegetables, cotton, tobacco, and other goods. We could not afford to have anything be changed right now. If the Abraham Lincoln, or any other Northern elective, comes up with a plan to keep the South's economy intact, it would be a completely different matter. But, no one has thought of how to save the South, so I say that we need to fight for our own rights." I shrugged at the end. Pa nodded in approval and Catherine glared at me for leaving her behind in the dust. I gave her an apologetic glance, but I wasn't about to lie about my own beliefs. Catherine could still have hers, however. I was fine with that.

"What if everything came to a war?" Ma piped up, still glancing at me.

It was something that I had thought about many times – all of my friends would join the Southern cause if the nation had to fight over this. And, even if I liked the diplomatic situation to things, would defend my home as well.

"I would fight for what I believe in."

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**Ruh-roh. **

**Anyways. I hope you liked the chapter. This was one was mostly indulgent fluff since I absolutely adore Jasper and his relationship with Catherine.**

**Also: I'll be starting school again tomorrow, so I'll be a bit slower getting chapters out.**

**Reviews are always appreciated, as usual.**


	4. Unseen Events

1860

_Jasper_

I sighed as I ran my hand through my messy curls that Ma always had detested. After a good six or seven attempts to try and flatten my hair, she finally gave up and left to go and braid Catherine's. Even I couldn't get them to do anything besides stick out in every direction possible. Pa had given some of his oil once to try and slick it back instead of just using a comb, but after an hour or two my hair jut sprung right back up.

Catherine came running through the halls in her brand new dress that Ma and LeLe had been sewing for her for the last month or so. I never really got how we both had Ma's curls yet both Ma and Catherine could get them to do what they wanted while I was stuck looking like a mess.

"Jasper!" I laughed at Catherine as she called out, her excitement radiating everywhere.

"Hello, Catty. I assume you are having a good birthday so far." Catherine grinned widely as she finally made a stop by me.

"Oh yes, Jasper! Everything has been fantastic!" I couldn't help but smile at Catherine – she was so happy, I just had to be happy in response.

"I'm glad." Pa came in then, looking at his pocket watch that Catherine had given him earlier today. When Catherine was about seven, she started giving Ma, Pa, and I each one single gift on her birthday. And she was the only one that actually followed that tradition – the rest of the family had previously tried it before, but Catherine was the only one that actually kept it up.

"Come on now. Nathan has the carriage ready." Catherine took my arm then and smiled up at me. She never could stop smiling. It was one of my favorite things about her.

I helped Catherine into the carriage, and Pa and Ma followed soon behind. After that, we were off. Catherine was clearly anxious about what we had planned for her birthday. It was quite entertaining, actually, watching her fidget around in her seat next to me. Occasionally, she'd look at me at catch my gaze, or Pa's, or Ma's, and she'd study one of us as if our eyes alone could give away her surprise. And each and every time, she failed to decipher anything through our eyes, then her head would hang and she'd pout for about ten minutes before trying again.

An few hours later, the carriage stopped and Catherine straightened up in her seat, her grin now ready, yet nervous, for whatever awaited her. I knew what her main birthday gift was – the four of us were now in Galveston and ready for Catherine to enjoy her first day at the beach. The same gift was given to me when I was ten and Catherine was three, but no one in the family counted that since Catherine couldn't even remember that.

It only took Catherine a few seconds to put the smell of salt water and the sound of waves together before she realized where she was.

"The beach?" She looked at me, her eyes wide and amazed.

"Yes, Catherine. The beach." She squealed and clapped as I confirmed what her birthday present was. And Catherine then gave a very Catherine-like reaction: she flung open the carriage door and immediately started running for the sand. I laughed at my joyful younger sister as I walked out and helped Ma down the steps before I walked down to the sand myself. Catherine was enjoying and taking in everything around her like the lively ten year-old that she was. No one was going to reign her in now, that was for sure.

Ma was trying to get Catherine to behave, yelling at her to come back to where the road was so she wouldn't get sand in her new dress, but it was no use. I looked back at my parents who were smiling at my sister's clear happiness at being at the beach. While it wasn't Florida or anywhere on the east coast, Catherine had always wanted to go to Galveston – she would be fine.

After a minute or so of watching Catherine twirl around in the soft sand, chase after the seagulls, and just play around, she finally came running back and attacked Pa with a large hug, then did the same to Ma, and finally came around to me.

"Thank you so much! I am so happy and so thankful for this! It's unbelievable!" I laughed under my breath as Catherine let go of me. She was over the moon in delight – I could sense that it wasn't just me who was attuned to Catherine's glee. Nothing was going to be able to ruin her mood.

"I'm glad you're happy, darling. Let's go have some lunch, check into the hotel, and then we can come back to the beach," Ma said. I knew Catherine wasn't the happiest to leave her beloved sand and water, but she nodded and obeyed. She looked up at me and I smiled down at her then she took my arm like she usually did and we both followed Ma and Pa down the boardwalk to where we'd be eating.

"So, Catty…" Catherine looked up at me, her brown eyes shining and gleaming with curiosity. She knew the tone in my voice – I was looking for something.

"Yes, Jasper?" It was easy to tell that she knew exactly what I was going to ask her as well.

"You gave Pa that pocket watch earlier today and a handkerchief for Ma, but I'm still without one of your birthday presents." Catherine knew that I was just teasing her – I didn't need a present from Catherine. I had my own birthday for that.

"Yes, I know. But, I did get you one, do not worry."

"And when will I be receiving this present?" Catherine grinned up at me teasingly.

"When we get home." I chuckled. That would be tomorrow.

"Of course," I chuckled. Catherine just shrugged as Ma and Pa turned into a restaurant and we followed behind.

Lunch was very different than what I would have in Houston – the seafood was excellent and so much better than what I remembered from when I had last been there. Catherine, I knew, was enjoying everything that was being given to her.

Everything was perfect for the rest of the day. Catherine loved and thrived in the sea, Ma read a book, and Pa and I talked on the beach. At the end of the day when we all headed back to the hotel, Catherine had tired herself out so much she was half asleep as Ma helped her to bed in her room and I retired with a book of my own to my own room.

I was happy that Catherine was happy and that she had had a good birthday.

Then I realized that Catherine would start counting down the days until she was eleven and laughed.

The next day, the four of us met at the breakfast room that they had at the hotel to eat before we headed off. Catherine said goodbye to her beloved ocean, and then we headed back to Houston.

When we parked in front of our home, and Ma and Pa got out first this time. Catherine sat there in her seat, her expression thoughtful.

"I had a wonderful time yesterday, Jasper." Catherine looked to me. I smiled at her.

"I'm glad, Catherine." She then sighed and looked out at the window.

"Time to go back home, I guess." Catherine stepped out then, but apparently her foot hadn't found a steady place, seeing as she slipped from the steps. I attempted to grab her arm or hand to right her, but she fell too quickly. Catherine also tried to grab the door, but instead ended up turning herself around so she then fell down directly on her head against the gravel road.

She didn't even scream. It had all happened just way too fast.

* * *

I couldn't believe it. Catherine…she wasn't dead, but she would be absolutely devastated. The blow to her head hadn't killed her, hadn't even given her a concussion, but instead taken something else from her.

Catherine was never going to be able to see again.

The doctor had told us around noon, only forty-five minutes or so after I had dashed Catherine to the hospital on the back of my horse that Nathan had immediately brought around to me. Ma and Pa had come about ten minutes after I had arrived…

The entire time I sat there before the doctor came around; I was wondering if I was ever going to see my sister again. She had been so happy, so bright the day before that I could not imagine her possibly being gone. She was only ten – how was it fair for her to die? And then die right before my own eyes? I was blaming myself for her fall…if I had gotten out first and then helped Catherine out, she never would have fallen. It was my fault that she could have been dead.

And then the doctor came and told us that Catherine was blind, but suffered no concussion. Ma had started crying, and I could feel tears well in my own eyes, but not a single drop fell. Catherine…blind…those beautiful brown eyes, Pa's eyes, would now be glassy and unseeing. Would they hold the same emotions again, now that they couldn't see the world around her?

The doctor came out again a few minutes after he had brought my family the mind-shattering news. I didn't look up at him - my eyes weren't worthy of anything if Catherine couldn't see. I kept my eyes shut tight, trying not to look up at the doctor.

"Jasper Whitlock?" I nodded and kept my 'gaze' to the floor.

"Catherine is asking for you. She wants to see you."

"She can't _see_ me," I gritted out between clenched teeth. While I was only guilty a few minutes ago, I was now infuriated. How could this happen to Catherine? How could God let this happen to someone who was so sweet, so kind and gentle? How could He do this to someone as innocent as my sister?

"She's asking for you," the doctor simply replied. After a few seconds, I sighed and opened my eyes, though tried to ignore everything around me as if it wasn't there. I stood and the doctor took that as a sign that I would see her. The small journey to Catherine's room was short, but it seemed like forever to me. What was she going to do? Did she already know she was blind?

The doctor stopped in front of a door and I sighed and knocked on it carefully.

"Jasper?" A swarm of pain suffocated me as I heard my sister's voice full of tears, laced with absolute despair.

"It's me, Catherine," I called softly through the door.

"Please come in, Jasper." I hesitated for a second before I finally turned the doorknob and walked into Catherine's room.

She was looking in the direction of the drawer, but her eyes weren't looking directly at me, but just in the direction that Catherine had heard. She was actually staring at my chest, approximately…it broke my heart, Catherine's piercing, broken gaze.

"Jasper…my eyes..they're-they're…" I walked over to Catherine as she started to cry again. It was bone-chilling, watching Catherine cry through eyes that couldn't see anything at all, that held nothing but the mahogany color of her eyes.

"I know, Catherine. I know. I'm so, so sorry," I whispered. Catherine reached her arms out to me and I hugged her then closely to my chest as she cried even harder. I patted her head and sighed. My heart might have been broken, but Catherine's entire being was shattered.

As I sat there, I thought about what I could possibly do to make up for what had happened to Catherine.

_I _will_ protect her_, I thought. _I'll protect her_.

* * *

**Yes, I know - I blinded Catherine. I'm sorry, but some of you might see why I did this from a literary stand-point. And also, I'm sorry if this sounds rushed. I wanted to get y'all a chapter before the school week started again when I wouldn't be able to get another chapter out again for a while.**

**Reviews, please?**

**And just in case anyone is wondering, there are 5 more chapters before Jasper joins the war. ; ) I know, I know, it's long, but you'll see.**


	5. Forgotten Gifts

1860

_Jasper_

I was always tired now. Ever since Catherine came home from the hospital, I was always working. Not only was I trying to pay attention to my lessons in school, I was writing down Catherine's to now teach her them once I got home. Of course, it was hard to teach Catherine when she couldn't see anything in front of her. Her homework that used to take her an hour to do now took her three times that long.

After that, I'd walk her around the plantation so she could get some fresh air. I had been trying for months to let Ma and Pa let me put Catherine on a horse and slowly lead her around on a rope, but they were so worried she would fall or something, even if they knew that she would be perfectly safe with me.

After the walk that I'd take Catherine on, it'd be supper, and then Pa would try and lecture me again to try and talk me out of spending all my time with Catherine after Carolina took Catherine upstairs. 'You are a charismatic young man that could have any woman in Texas, and you spend your time with your blind sister. No one will marry her, so the family name is depending on you, Jasper! You need to stop it with Catherine and move on with your life!' I had the speech memorized by now. It was December, after all. The soliloquies had been going on for about eight months now.

You would think that after Pa's nightly monologue, I'd be done completely, but I'd say goodnight to Catherine, then retire to my room and finish my studies. Around the time that I finished, Catherine would be screaming from a nightmare and I'd rush in to wake her up. On a lucky night, I wouldn't be able to sleep after I was done with my studies since I'd be too afraid to sleep, just in case Catherine had a nightmare and no one was around to wake her up from her terrifying dream. I'd usually fall asleep when the night was at its darkest, but be woken up at least one time during the night because of Catherine's bad dreams.

I didn't regret anything, however, even as much Pa tried to convince me otherwise. Catherine was my sister – I needed to take care of her, especially now when she needed me the most. I wasn't about to leave her for a woman that was a dime a dozen that I had no feelings for. Catherine was important to me and she needed someone to see for her, to be her eyes and to guide her through a life that she couldn't grasp.

Tonight had been the breaking point for her. I was helping her with a math equation that she had done two years ago, and she had merely forgotten to carry a simple zero and then completely blew up.

"What use is it, Jasper? What use is it to know things when I can't even see them?" She had yelled at me, so many emotions beating me to the ground and leaving me breathless.

"Catherine, you can live a normal life, you don't have to let this take control of you." I had tried to reason with her, to try and calm her, but it was no use. She was heartbroken and devastated. No words would soothe her now.

"It already has, Jasper! It already has! I have not seen a sunset, a cloud, a tree, anything for eight months now and I am done trying to pretend that I am normal!" She stood up from the table, and I did as well. It was a reflex now for me, to make sure that I could help Catherine.

"Catherine, you were never normal. You are a special girl, Catherine. And you can learn how to live your life like you used to. It's possible, Catty." It was a last resort, using Catherine's nickname, but instead it turned her even more vicious.

"No, it isn't, Jasper. It hasn't been and never will be. You can just give up and stop pretending that some miracle will give me back my sight and I'll be the same again. I_ never _will be." Catherine walked away, and a second pair of footsteps came onto the scene. I turned around and saw Carolina. She gently led Catherine away, who I could still feel her anger and frustration as she went upstairs.

She was right. I spent every night praying to God that He would grant Catherine the ability to see again, but ever day Catherine would wake up with those same cloudy, unseeing eyes that haunted my dreams.

Pa came into the sitting room a few minutes later, his light green eyes, Catherine's eyes, stern. I knew what he was going to try and say.

"Jasper-"

"I am not in the mood to be told how much better I am than Catherine tonight," I snapped. Pa said nothing and paused before he spoke again.

"I do not want to talk to you about Catherine tonight, seeing as she spoke for me." I winced, but kept my composure up as best as I could.

"Then what do you want to talk about?" I sighed and leaned back in my chair.

"There are talks of secession throughout the south." I nodded. It was nothing new to me.

"And secession would most likely lead to war." Again. Nothing I had not heard before.

"While I do not always agree with what you set your mind on, Jasper-" I did not miss Pa's glance up towards the stairs where Catherine's room was, "-you are loyal to what you believe in. With your unwavering loyalty and natural charisma, you would do well in any career you wanted to be." Pa cleared his throat and moved slightly in his chair. He was tense now, a lot less relaxed than he was a minute ago. His emotions were clear he was going to make me cross again, but I was not exactly sure what he was getting at.

"I want you to listen to me carefully, Jasper, and understand where I am coming from. Your mother and I have been talking about the possibilities of war and such if it were to come to Texas, and even worse, Houston. We have created a plan to keep you and Catherine safe." I was not sure exactly which surprised me more: that Pa was thinking about keeping Catherine safe or that Ma was actually talking about war.

"You can try your best to keep tutoring Catherine, if you want, but this spring will be your last semester in school so you will not be able to keep it up with the lessons as well. Next fall, when you are off at college, your mother and I have decided to send Catherine to the school for the blind in Dallas." I smiled. I knew that Catherine wanted to keep learning, it was not in her to give up – a school where she could properly learn how to live her life without sight would be great for her. I knew I was not the best tutor for her.

"War, though, will most likely break out by then, if it does. I need you to promise me that you will go to college and _not become a soldier _if a war does start." I blinked.

"Why not?" I was genuinely curious now. Before now, Pa had always been supportive in my want to fight for Texas and the south if things came to a war.

Then it hit me.

"You don't want me to go off to war because you don't want another 'broken' child, do you?" Pa sighed.

"Catherine will most likely never be married now. No man wants to have a wife that needs help around her home. If you go off to war, you could die and your mother and I are too old to have another son. You are our last chance to carry on the Whitlock name." I scoffed.

"Catherine will find someone to love her! You just lost all faith in her just because she isn't perfect for you!" I snapped. Pa sighed and raised a hand, warning me to settle down. I ignored it.

"It's not that, Jasper."

"It's _exactly_ that and you know it! Eight months ago before Galveston, you were damn proud of me that I would fight to protect my home!"

"So you would leave Catherine behind to risk your life." I paused. Pa chuckled.

"I never knew you were a fan of hypocrisy, Jasper." I rolled my eyes and left the room without another word and went up to my room, bringing me to where I am now. I do not know exactly how long I stayed in there, but it was dark before I even thought about leaving my room. No one bothered to fetch me for dinner, and I was almost glad. Catherine's room was also next to mine, and I did not hear anyone take her down either. She was either asleep or just as hungry as I was.

Slowly, I sat up and pushed the books and papers on my bed away. At least my lessons were done now and I would not have to do them in the dead of the night.

I walked out of my room and then softly knocked on Catherine's door. No answer. Worried about her, I cracked the door open. She was laying on top of her blankets, in the same red dress that she had been wearing when Carolina had taken her upstairs. I sighed and closed the door, then headed downstairs and into the kitchen. LeLe, Carolina, and Brian, the cook, were all in the kitchen, quietly working around each other. LeLe smiled at me when I came in.

"Are you hungry, master Jasper?" I nodded.

"Could you also make a plate of something for Catherine? Preferably something that will still taste good cold, just in case she wakes up later in the night." LeLe nodded.

"The night ain't gonna be later for long." I chuckled slightly, tiredly, as I ran a hand through my hair and waited for Brian to be done.

"You need some more sleep, massa Jasper." I shrugged and sighed. LeLe was right, I just wish I knew a way to somehow sleep some more. I was getting to the point where I was so tired I could not sleep, I was so used to going without any at all.

"I can't sleep, especially when I'm worrying about Catherine. LeLe tsked her tongue at me.

"Your intentions are in the right place, Jasper, but you have to be thinkin' of yourself as well. Think about Catherine. She's probably so guilty that you're spending all your time with her."

"I spent all my time with Catherine before she was blind." LeLe nodded, but I could tell she had another point to make. She put a pot of something that Briand had handed her over the fire to warm.

"Not every single moment. You still would stroll around town with Alan and then Emily would come over and be with Catherine during those moments." I grimaced at the mention of Alan and his sister. While Alan used to be my closest friend and Emily and Catherine had practically been sisters, but when Catherine became blind, Emily all but deserted Catherine – I had asked Alan about Emily and if she was scared or frightened about how to deal with Catherine being blind and Alan had simply said that Emily did not want to be friends with Catherine if Catherine could not be the same friend anymore. We stopped communications with each other then.

"Alan and Emily only want to be friends with people that have nothing 'wrong' with them." I emphasized 'wrong' sarcastically, heavily. LeLe shook her head.

"Yes, that might be true, but just think more of Catherine in a different light." I sighed. LeLe had been a second mother to Catherine and I. She was our only slave as well that knew how to read and write and she was also the clearest speaker of our slaves by far. The only reason that LeLe got any special treatment at all was that LeLe was the only slave that Pa and Ma trusted, and when both Ma and Pa were ill one year, they needed someone to clear through the accounts and I was too young to figure that kind of math. LeLe had caught on quickly.

"She jus' wants to ride a horse." A low, mumbled voice came from the corner. I looked over at Carolina. She never liked talking, and I could probably count on one hand as many times I had actually heard her have a conversation this year.

"Yes, but I cannot find a way to simply just lead her around for even ten minutes." Carolina sighed. She was a shy girl and did not like talking.

"Da massa and mistress don't have to know." I blinked, confounded for a second.

"Nathan would let yo' take her around at night after da massa and mistress went to sleep." Yes, but would it work?

"Thank you, Carolina," I said, my mind whirling. Would it be able to work? Would Catherine even let me? I could not believe that I hadn't thought about just sneaking Catherine onto a horse before. She would have leaped at the chance if I had given it to her, but now…after what she had said…I held back a wince as I relived the painful memory.

I had stared off into space for so long that I hadn't realized that LeLe and Brian had fixed two bowls of a soup of some kind for Catherine and I. LeLe handed both bowls to me and I gave a smile in gratitude as I turned out of the kitchen and headed back upstairs. I set Catherine's bowl of soup against her door and then I headed back into my room and ate in silence, contemplating if I should go and try to find Nathan to talk to him. Whenever I had tried before to get Catherine on a horse, he had always blatantly told me no. Carolina was Nathan's brother and they both had watched Catherine grow up – Carolina surely wouldn't lie to me about something so important to Catherine…

Just as I had finished my late dinner, Catherine started screaming. I dashed out of my room and into hers, making sure that she would wake up and stop screaming before she could wake Ma or Pa up. Last time that happened…I'll just say that I hadn't seen Catherine cry so much before.

I kneeled down by Catherine's bedside and placed my hand on her shoulder and softly shook her, trying not to be too harsh in anything.

"Catherine, Catherine….Catty, it's just a dream, wake up, please…" I urgently spoke, trying to wake her up. Her fearful screams pierced my ears with a pain that I cannot explain in words. Finally, though, Catherine's eyes opened and the clouds descended over her expression. She immediately started feeling up her arm where I had my hand to try and make sure she knew it was me. Somehow, I didn't know exactly, Catherine could tell who anyone was by their hand. Recognition hazily flashed in her eyes.

"Jasper," she choked out, her voice inhibited by tears that I could tell she was holding back.

"It's okay, Catty. I'm here," I whispered, trying to find a way to comfort her. Emotions were hard to decipher in her eyes, but now I could clearly see undiluted fear in Catherine's face.

Catherine blindly began to try and find a way to sit up, but couldn't get the best grip on the soft covers. I helped her up, but then Catherine clung to my side and started to weep. I hugged her close and rocked her softly until she finally calmed down and her sobs were reduced to whimpers.

"You're safe, Catherine. You're safe." I sighed and kissed the top of her head as she said nothing still and quivered beside me. While I never had a problem with being cold, it _was_ December and Catherine always got cold dreadfully easy, even if it was Texas that we lived in. Carefully, slowly, I stood and grabbed the quilt on the chair in her room and draped it around her shoulders.

"Are you hungry, Catty?" She nodded, her distant gaze trying to find me. I then grabbed the bowl next to Catherine's door and came back and gave it to her. She had mastered the task of feeding herself long ago – I had no worry that she was going to end up spilling the soup on her and making her jump, seeing as she was already in such a shaky state.

When Catherine was done, I took the bowl from her and helped her under her blankets so she could try and stay warm. The dress she was wearing was much better in keeping her warm, so I didn't bother to fetch Carolina to help her change into one of her nightdresses.

"Jasper?" Catherine's soft soprano echoed in the quiet room.

"Yes, Catty?" I was now sitting next to her bed, making sure she fell asleep.

"Does Father not love me anymore because I'm blind?" My heart shattered inside my chest. While I was convinced that Pa did think of Catherine less because of her lack of ability to see, the question of whether or not Pa still loved Catherine was something that I wasn't sure about. Those thoughts became even more confusing after Pa told me he was sending Catherine to the school for the blind.

"Of course not, Catty," I half-lied.

Catherine nodded and sighed, then eventually relaxed and I was sure she was asleep. Silently, I walked out of her room and then back into mine. Catherine most likely would not have another nightmare tonight, so I assumed that it was probably okay for me to try and get some sleep. I grabbed my books from my bed and put them back on the shelf in the corner of my room. I was so tired that I could barely see straight, and then accidentally knocked a book off the shelf and onto the floor. When I tried to pick it up, a note fell out.

Slowly, I leaned down and picked it up. It had my name on it in Catherine's neat handwriting, the handwriting she used to use before she couldn't see what she was writing anymore…I opened the envelope up hesitantly and read my sister's old handwriting, imagining that it was eight months ago when she was still lively, carefree, and didn't have to worry about anything at all.

_Jasper,_

_It took me a long while to be able to find something to give you. You're such a great brother and always give me the best gifts, whether it is occasionally letting me win in our small races or a new book at Christmas. Up until a few days ago, though, I was clueless on what to give you for my birthday._

_Then I finally realized what the perfect thing would be when you were telling me how you would read to me when I was younger, and you still read to me every now and then. I want to give you my favorite book, Twelfth Night. _

_It was the story that I'd always ask to be read to me the most, since you were the best at telling the story with the different voices that you used when I was small, and then you and I would start to have small discussions and banters about the different characters, and if Olivia should have ended up with the Duke or if Viola would have been a better match for someone else. _

_I know the book is technically owned by the both of us, but I want you to have it completely, as a thank you to the happy childhood you helped me in having. _

_But, I'm not going to let you read it until I read it to you. You're not the only one that can be a fantastic storyteller._

_Love, Catty._

I had never once cried about Catherine or her blindness. I had kept those emotions at bay since I needed to be strong for Catherine, but as I finished reading that note, and then looked at the title of the book that had fallen off, which was indeed _Twelfth Night, _I could do nothing to stop the tears that fell for my sister.

* * *

**Looooooong chapter. x D Also a sad chapter. x D I was really inspired, as you can tell.**

**Hopefully I didn't totally fail with Carolina's 'accent' - I was trying to write like I've seen slaves speak in other historical fiction novels, but I think that my attempt was pretty futile.**

**Anyways. If you haven't caught on already, reviews would be greatly appreciated.**


	6. She Was Happy

1861

_Jasper_

I was fed up.

When Catherine had snapped at me back in December, I thought that she would never try to learn again, and I was at least okay at accepting that since it was on her own terms. But, she then apologized the next day and asked me if we could restart the previous day's lesson.

That had all changed the day after Christmas. It had truly been a day of joy, and you should take that heavily coming from someone so sensitive to human emotions.

It was the next day that had ruined everything.

Alan and Emily had come by to reconcile with Catherine and I, and we did end up making amends, though I'm sure that our friendships will never be quite the same again. Carolina (somehow) ended up throwing a snowball at me – Texas actually got a snow for Christmas, though it was very light and I could still see the road through the white dust – and hitting me. She had been happy the entire day…until we had walked in the door.

I do not know which surprises me more – that Catherine hadn't heard our father's revolting words before we walked in the door or that my own father had said something so offensive about his own daughter.

I still remember them today, months later.

He had been arguing with Ma about sending Catherine off to a school for the blind, something that Catherine was excited for – she could not read now, and since she hated being read to since she couldn't follow along on the page, she desperately wanted to learn how to write in Braille, and we both knew I did not know how to teach someone who could not see the work in front of them. Ma wanted Catherine to stay home, saying that she would feel safer with Catherine closer, especially when the country was in such turmoil and war seemed almost inevitable.

Pa didn't want to have to worry about a blind child that no man would marry since no man could deem her worthy of being a wife. If she was away, she could not be a burden to her family and she'd be able to make herself sparse so he would not have to worry if she was going to fall down the stairs and kill herself. In fact, he thought that if she did end up doing that exact thing, she'd be a better help to her family than as a blind imbecile.

His words, not mine.

I could see her heart shatter in those diluted brown eyes just as well as I could see the tears running down her face. That was right about when the fury hit me.

As much as I wanted to hold my sister in my arms and tell her that he was lying, and that he still loved her, but I couldn't reverse what had been done. All those months, I was sure that Pa still loved Catherine, that he had no choice but to love her, but my view on _that_ matter changed as soon as the words had left Pa's mouth. Instead of consoling my sister, I ran to where I could hear the voices.

"Jasper!" Ma was clearly surprised by my presence. Then her emerald eyes, my eyes, turned to fear as she saw how enraged I was.

"How dare you!" I yelled at my father, not realizing that arguing with him would only do more damage to Catherine. Common sense had deserted my thought process, and I could only think about one thing: how Catherine's own father, my father, had broken her heart and thought that she should be dead rather than alive and blind.

"What are you talking about, Jasper?" Like he hadn't known - I could see it in his eyes that he knew what I was talking about.

"You wish she was dead? You think that she's that unworthy of the world? How can you live with yourself when your own _daughter_ thinks that she isn't loved by her father?" I wanted so badly for the man in front of me realized that he had done something so terrible to his own child.

"She cannot do a lot of things because of her lack of sight, Jasper."

"She could if you would _let_ her! If you would trust me to take her on a horse and help her out, she'd be able to walk around the house without Carolina, or she'd be able to do things for herself."

"She can't even do a simple arithmetic problem."

"She will be able to when she goes to the school for the blind in Dallas. Just give her a chance and she could thrive!" It was insulting me how calm, how sure Robert (I can't think to call him 'Pa' or 'Father' again) was while I could still hear Catherine sobbing in the hallway, frozen in fear and in darkness.

"And what man will want a blind woman as a wife?" He spoke as if that fact was right in front of my face and I couldn't see it.

"A man that _loves_ her!" Robert laughed coldly at me and it took everything in my power not to wince.

"You are blinded by fantasy, Jasper. Catherine will never amount to anything now. It's a shame that she cannot see now, seeing as she had a lot of potential before the incident-" neither Robert nor Ma could call the day that Catherine lost her sight anything but 'the incident', even almost a year later, "-but, now she's unable to do anything at all." I laughed myself after Pa was done. I did that because I simply just couldn't believe the lack of faith that Robert had in Catherine.

"I just…you have left me speechless. I hope you're happy with yourself, by the way, that you completely broke your own daughter's heart. She heard every word that you said, but I bet you don't care at all," I said, venom and acid dripping from every word that came from my mouth. Robert said nothing, Ma said nothing, and I said nothing as I then turned away to go find Catherine.

She was crying in Carolina's arms, and my mind immediately cleared from the haze of fury. She had heard every single thing that both Robert and I had thrown at each other.

"Y-you l-lied t-to m-me. Y-you s-said he l-l-loved m-m-m-me." Catherine could barely speak she was weeping so strongly. I kneeled down to where she was sitting on the floor and took her hand so she knew that I was close.

"No, Catherine. I never have lied to you. I was honest when I told you that he loves you, Catherine." Catherine shook her head.

"B-but…w-hat-t you s-said-d wasn't-t right-t-t." I sighed.

"I know. I'm so, so sorry." I hugged her then and let her cry.

Catherine had gone back to trying at school and learning until that day. Ever since then, whenever I tried to walk her through a lesson, she said she was tired. When I asked her if she wanted to go on a walk, she was tired. Whenever I tried to get her to do anything, she was tired. I knew what she was doing, though. She was fulfilling her father's expectations of her, and I hated it.

Then came April of the next year, and Catherine was now eleven and I was waiting to turn eighteen. Catherine's nightmares had stopped years ago, but I assumed that was because I was now inheriting them. I now couldn't stop sleeping, seeing as I dreaded waking up and watching my soulless sister do nothing but 'stare' out a window all day and vegetate, barely getting up to walk around at all.

I don't know how it happened, exactly, but it did. I was sitting in a chair in the far corner of the sitting room, Robert was in his study, Ma was in the kitchen, and I was reading a book. Catherine was, as usual, in the same chair she had sat in for the past four months, gazing into her own personal blackness. For some reason, though, I decided that I was not going to take Catherine's impassive nature anymore. I closed my book and stood up, then walked across the room and grabbed both of Catherine's hand.

"What are you doing, Jasper?" I never truly got how Catherine knew who I was by the sound of my footsteps.

"You're going to ride a horse, Catherine." Immediately, she started fighting.

"No, Jasper. I can't. I'll fall off."

"No, you won't. I'll make you sure you won't. Come on, let's go, Catherine." I turned around, expecting Catherine to follow, but instead she hesitated.

"I'm tired, Jasper." I rolled my eyes. Catherine didn't even sound tired.

"Catherine, you've been pulling that act for months now and I'm tired of it. You _are_ riding a horse."

Then she pulled a card I didn't see coming.

"Ma! Pa! Jasper's going to put me on a horse!" I groaned and then started to drag Catherine towards the hallway. She was struggling, but there was no way I was going to watch her be so lifeless anymore.

I actually got pretty far until Ma came rushing up the hall, Robert behind her.

"Jasper Robert Whitlock, what on earth are you trying to do?" Ma was clearly exasperated. It was drowning me slightly, being near her shock and Catherine's inner struggle.

"Catherine is going to ride a horse." I still made my way towards the door. Ma followed and Robert did nothing. Catherine had lessened just slightly in her attempts to break free, and that was all I needed to know that Catherine wanted to do her favorite thing again.

"Jasper, she'll get killed!" Ma, unlike her husband, actually still cared about Catherine.

"No, she will not. I'll watch her and keep the horse steady. If you want, I'll even ride the same horse as well. The reins will always be in my hands." Catherine loosened even more.

"Jasper, you can't!" Ma, however, was not giving up. She was going to lose, though, seeing as I was already on the porch. When I got to the steps, I picked up Catherine, her back supported by one of my arms, her legs supported by the other. When I was off the steps, I set Catherine down on the ground. She was now just letting herself being dragged along. I could feel her excitement, her need again to ride.

"Yes, Ma, I can, and you can't stop me." The stables were now in sight. Ma was still trying to stop me.

"Nathan!" I called, and he immediately stepped outside of the stable door.

"Get Lighting ready for me, and quickly, please." Nathan nodded and then turned around to get my horse prepared to ride.

"Jasper, you cannot be serious!" I chuckled to myself at Ma's shock.

"Ma, I am dead serious." I entered the stables about thirty seconds or so later, and Catherine shivered as the ground beneath turned from soft grass to hay and dirt. The longing from her was radiating in giant waves.

Ma never liked the stables, so she stayed on the outside, and was hesitant in things just beside her movements. She wasn't going to stop me, however.

Nathan had Lightning ready in two minutes, tops. When he was ready, I turned to Catherine.

"Catherine, how do you want me to help you on to the horse?"

"Jasper, no!" I ignored Ma.

"Do not listen to her, Catherine. What do you want to do?" Catherine bit her lip and sighed for a second. She was a bit shaky and nervous.

"Um…is there anything I can step onto?" I smiled at her.

"Nathan!" I called.

"Yes, massa Jasper?"

"Is there anything that Catherine can step onto to get onto the horse?" Nathan paused for a second.

"Yes, one moment, massa Jasper." A moment later, Nathan came up, holding up a log that was smooth on two sides so it could lie evenly and have a nice stepping ground.

"Perfect, Nathan. Absolutely perfect." Nathan set the log down and I helped Catherine on. She needed a bit of assistance to get the rest of the way, but she did it perfectly. She sighed unsteadily and was smiling nervously. Then I got on the horse behind her and grabbed onto the reins.

"Jasper, this will not go by unnoticed. I can't believe you're being so reckless." Ma looked at me impatiently.

"Okay. But, if you were truly against this, you would have stopped me before I even left the house."

With that, I tapped Lightning lightly on one side and he started to walk. Catherine laughed nervously and jumped, but then relaxed after a second.

"You're riding a horse, Catherine," I said, smiling down at my sister. She said nothing but smiled.

Ma watched us silently, but when she realized how happy Catherine was, she mimicked her daughter's reactions and smiled as well.

Catherine and I walked for awhile, and moved up to a trot. I don't know exactly how long we rode, but it was for at least an hour, maybe even two. When it was getting dark, I pulled Lightning back into the stables. As soon as Catherine was back down on level ground, she hugged me tightly and didn't let go for several minutes. When she looked up at me, she was crying. I asked her why and she said it was because she was finally able to truly see again and was no longer captured in blackness.

She told me she was_ happy_.

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**As you can tell, I love fluff. And Catherine.**

**Reviews, please? I'd love them. : D**

**Oh, and if you haven't been able to tell, my chapters are going to be coming every few days are so. High school is draining. That's all I'm saying. ; )**


	7. Internal Affairs on Domestic Wars

1861

_Jasper _

War can be described in many different ways. The most obvious and stereotypical definition is feuding between two groups of people for a common reason that each group holds on to. War can happen between continents, nations, states, or even between people of a family. As you've seen, if you've been following my story, I'm very familiar with the latter option. But, there's a kind of volatile, ceaseless war that when it starts to attack, there is no hope for surrender on its victim.

It's an internal war where your ally and your enemy are two of the same. They're halves that only would fit together with the other. It's a war within oneself. If you know me at all, you'd know that I'm also talking about myself.

It was a very fair day when I found out about the war. The air was warm and the atmosphere was charged with an emotion that I couldn't quite describe. It was April. April was a good month.

I was just walking around in town, running errands for Ma. Robert and I had been fighting a lot, even more than usual. The fact that Ma needed a few things to be picked up was a prime chance for me to just get some air. Catherine was riding when I left—I trusted Nathan enough to supervise her while I was gone.

I was at the butcher's when I had found out why everyone seemed so…vivacious.

"Damn Yanks. They're going to run us all into the ground." Angered words came rushing in through the door. I paused and stepped aside so I would be out of sight.

"Not if I have anything to say about it. The recruiters will be here in less than a week, mind you, and you can guarantee I'll be waiting for 'em. I'm not going to let that bastard Lincoln abolish our way of life!" A fist slammed against the counter and my breath caught. So a war was on…

"I'll be waiting with you, Richard. No way in hell are the Yanks going to win this battle if I have anything to do with it." I had to find out for myself. Quickly, I headed off from the butcher and towards the general store. When I had walked in, however, the clerk was gone. Dammit…I pulled a nickel out of my pocket and left it on the counter before grabbing a newspaper. The headline said everything. The United States was at war with itself. The recruiters would start sweeping through the Confederacy within days.

I dropped the paper where it was and started off towards where I had left Lightning. As much as I'd hate it, I needed to go home. Surprisingly, I rushed home. I needed to talk to someone about the war.

The second I walked in the door, I was nearly pushed straight back through the door by the tension took place of every breathable part of air. Ma and Robert already knew.

"Ma? Catty?" I called, hesitant to get into touchy matters if Catty answered back.

"Yes, Jasper?" I sighed in relief as I heard my mother's shaky voice. Of course, her worry was suffocating me, but at least it wasn't Catty. At least it wasn't Catty.

Ma and Robert were both in the sitting room. I nervously took off my hat and turned it around in my hands as I waited for either of them to say something.

"Just get out with it, Jasper," Robert snapped at me as he crossed his legs and put a hand at the table beside him. Underneath his hand, was today's newspaper. He knew.

"I want to join, Robert," I said matter-of-factly. No way was I going to waver in front of him.

"No way in hell am I going to let you write your own death off." Robert was equally as confident. I sighed.

"You're also not of age, Jasper. You can't join." Ma looked over at me, her eyes…my eyes…careful. Concerned. I didn't need any 'charisma' at all to be able to know she was worried.

"Ma, you know I can pass for eighteen, and we need men. I can join the cavalry where you know I'll be of use." I knew I was being slightly crass with the both of them, especially considering how sensitive Ma was, but…I wanted to do this.

"And Catherine?" I looked over at Robert as he brought up the one thing that could keep me at home. I said nothing and just looked at him.

"You always say how you'd stay by your side throughout everything, and you'd be willing to leave her at a moment's notice and risk never seeing her again?" I scoffed at Robert.

"You're the one who said that you'd rather her be dead than blind, Robert!" I was getting angry…losing my grip. No. No. No. I couldn't let him win.

"I'm just stating what you've said before, Jasper. Nothing more. Nothing less." He shrugged again and I sighed.

"Are you going to join?" It was something that I wanted to know.

"Of course not, Jasper. I'm not thriving to get killed like you are." I scoffed.

"Just…never mind, Robert. Never mind." I turned around and walked out, too overwhelmed by Robert, my mother's frantic glances, and the thoughts of Catherine were penetrating my mind too far and too deep to handle with my father's stoic and vicious gaze cutting into my sanity, I needed to breathe.

I was back on Lightning and galloping away from the house within a minute, maybe two. Ma didn't even protest as I was running off. Regrettably, I looked back. She wasn't even on the porch to watch. If it had been a year ago, she would have been running off until it was no use, but then would still be screaming at me until her voice was hoarse and raspy. That was the mother I used to have…but things were different. Very, very different.

I rode for an incredibly long time and still felt no better. Other petty things floated away in my mind until only Catherine was left. She was still going away to Dallas. That much was certain.

It was near sunset when I finally took Lightning back to the stable. Catherine was sitting outside, laughing with Carolina. Despite the fact that her eyes held little emotion now, it was nice to see the fact that she was laughing and smiling. My mind quickly flashed to what she'd be like if she found out that I wanted to be join the army. As much as I hated to admit it…I couldn't leave Catty. As much as I wanted to fight, there was no way I was going to break her heart.

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**Hey, guys, I'm so sorry that this is so late compared to the other chapters. Long story, my darlings. Being in the musical, having really bad run-ins with die-hard Edward Cullen fans (ugh), and then having the recession hit my family particularly hard...I haven't really been able to sit down with my beloved southern gentleman...Oh: five chapters until Maria.**

**Reviews, babes? I'm sorry this is rushed. Late nights creep up on you when you have rehearsal in the morning.**


	8. Seeing Clearly

1861

_Catherine_

There are many, many different types of darkness. Physical darkness is the lack of light in a space or room, making it hard for people to see their surroundings. Emotional darkness could be described as depression, or maybe even the lack of a variety of emotions, so you can only see life from one mentality. Yet again, if I were to get truly technical and complicated, I'd say that there is no such thing as darkness, just an absence of light. It makes things sound slightly less depressing, doesn't it? I hope it does.

Light is irrelevant to someone with their eyes closed, though. How can you care about darkness and light when you're not even letting your eyes take anything in? You could say that I have my eyes closed all the time, in a figurative sense, considering I don't even bother with trying to walk around with my eyelids down. I mean—what's the point? I can't see and if I try to mask my haunting eyes, it makes it look like I'm playing some silly, pointless game.

Darkness is a frivolous term to the blind when you can't see a thing. It cancels itself out because it's so regular that you can't count something that's constant on a daily basis. Some people could argue that I am surrounded by darkness, but I'd call them fools right then and there, if I were to be blunt. The word 'darkness' sounds so despicable, but my life feels to be quite the opposite. Of course, it's not perfect, not by a long shot, but it's much better than what others lives are and what mine very well could be.

If I were to describe the nothing that I see, it would be just that—nothingness. I can easily remember darkness and the cloud that blocks my sight is definitely not that. I've gotten used to my nothingness since the incident, though. It used to frighten me and give me nightmares that would cling to my mind, even while I was awake. Over the months that I've been learning and trying my best to adapt to life without fully-capable eyes, my nothingness has turned from a monster to a part of myself—I would not be Catherine Elizabeth Whitlock if I could see. The Catherine with sight was an old version of me, but that's the past.

I can still see in my dreams, though. My sight while sleeping can't match up to the clarity that I had before I fell and hit my head, but I still cherish what my mind can still create for my sleeping eyes to see. I can still look at my mother's loving olive eyes that could turn from a soft and cooling sea-green to a warm and deep jade if she traveled outside. While dreaming, I can still watch Jasper race around on his beloved Lightning, his ornery honey blonde curls whipping around on his face as the wind tried to impair his focus on the land ahead of him. My father's smile was still as warm as the fire that LeLe set everyday and tended to during December when it got cold…The images aren't sharp, but they are very much real and I believe in them just as much as I believe in what I hear while I'm awake and my nothingness returns.

April of the year 1861 was a tense time not only for my family, the Confederacy, and America as a whole…if you could even call us that then. I remember a particular night very, very well, though. It was raining brutally, the droplets ricocheting off the roof in a loud pattern. Usually, it was easy for me to sleep, no matter the noise, but I was restless. The reason as to why…I'm not sure. But, sometime during the middle of the night, I was fed up with attempting to sleep and decided to find something to do. I sat up in my bed and reached around for the shawl that Carolina had made me for Christmas. It was easy to just wrap it around my shoulders and walk to the door and descend down the stairs now—being able to walk around the house with assistance just took some persistence and patience until all I had to rely on was my legs and pure memory to guide me.

I decided to go to the kitchen, where maybe I would be able to get a glass of warm milk or tea from LeLe. She was always up at this time of the night—in fact, I wouldn't have been surprised if she ever told me she never slept. But, as I walked down to the kitchen, I heard a voice that didn't belong to LeLe, Brian, or even Carolina. It was Jasper. I caught my breath and froze in the hallway. Why was he up? I knew Jasper rarely slept, but he had always liked the rain when we were younger.

"I'm scared, LeLe. It's as simple as that." Jasper had been tired for weeks and I knew he never bothered hiding it lately, but then, not only did he sound tired, but genuinely upset about something. It was easy to tell he was very scared, which in turn alarmed me greatly as well.

"Then it means you're simply human, massa Jasper. You've got ev'ry right to be scared. War is a very scary thin' to talk about." War? Was LeLe talking about the struggle between the Confederacy and Union? Hesitantly, I took a step or two forward, trying to be as quite as I possibly could.

"I'm not talking about the war, LeLe. I mean Catherine. I'm scared for _her_. She's only eleven and can so easily go back to the way she was before she started riding again. I just can't leave her alone and not promise her that I'll be back, especially since I can't trust a word Robert says. It won't be hard for him to not do a thing for her and not let her go to Dallas if I'm not around to speak for her." I held back a wince at Jasper's last words. Ever since December, when he had said what he truly felt about my lack of sight, Jasper refused to recognize him as our father. Truthfully, I agreed with Jasper—Pa was no true father, but I found it harder than he did to disown him as a parent.

"It sounds like you're underestimatin' lit'le Catherine and what she can do, massa Jasper." Jasper sighed, and I could almost hear him wringing his hands. I took a few steps forward so I was closer to the door and hoped I wasn't in sight for them.

"I don't mean to…but she's so young! I promised her I'd stay by her through anything and everything. She's my sister—it's my job to do that, and I don't want to watch her lose all faith in me if I break that promise and join the cavalry. She's much more important to me than the Union, the Confederacy, or anything." So Jasper wanted to join the Confederate war. I would have been lying if I said I was surprised by his feelings. Jasper was the definition of loyal—he would be a great soldier.

"She's goin' to Dallas in a month. She won't be totally alone, and Carolina and I can take care of her. Nathan and you is helpin' her so much with those horses that she'll soon be able to ride on her own. She'll be okay, massa Jasper. We can keep her out of Robert's way and your mother won't let him not let her go to that fancy school." Brian pitched in then and Jasper just sighed and I knew he was at the end of his wit's end. Before thinking about it, I stepped in through the door.

"Why didn't you say anything about wanting to join the war, Jasper?" There was a second or two of silence as I tried to face to where I had originally heard Jasper.

"Oh, Catherine…I'm so, sorry…I didn't mean for you to hear any of that," Jasper sighed, and I could almost see his emerald eyes go wide like he did whenever he was sorry about something.

"I'm not mad, or hurt, or anything, Jasper." I smiled and adjusted myself so I was facing more towards him. It would be easier for the both of us.

"You're…not?" I had to laugh at how shocked and confused Jasper sounded.

"Of course not, Jasper. Do you honestly think I would be mad at you for wanting to do something that you cared about?" There was a beat of silence before I heard Jasper stand up.

"No…I just…Catherine, I don't want to leave you alone." I smirked and shook my head, reaching out my hands for his. He took them as there was the soft noise of Jasper kneeling down.

"I won't be alone, silly. I have Nathan, and LeLe, and Carolina, and Brian, and Emily and Alan. You don't need to worry about that." I squeezed his hands and he sighed.

"Catherine…Catty-" I smiled at my nickname and I could almost hear Jasper laugh under his breath before he grew solemn again, "-I might not come back." I nodded at him.

"You aren't going to let that happen, though. Besides, all the girls in Dallas at the school for the blind will be so jealous that I have a soldier for a brother." Jasper laughed at me before I felt his strong arms around me, and I embraced him back.

"Are you sure, Catty? I don't want you to say that you're fine with this just because I want to enlist." I shook my head.

"No, Jasper. I'm okay with anything that you want to do. I mean…it's scary to think about you on a battlefield, but I know you'd be miserable if you didn't join. You need to support what you believe in and you believe in life in the South. You believe in family and you aren't going to let anyone else tell you otherwise." I could almost feel Jasper smile a bit wider as I kept speaking. There was another moment of silence before there was a sudden drop of liquid on my shoulder where Jasper's head was.

"I love you, Catty."

"I love you too, Jasper."

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**I know! I'm incredibly fluffy and a sucker for cheesy moments like that.**

**I hope you all liked Catherine's POV. It was quite fun for me.**

**Reviews, loves? It'd be greatly appreciated!**


	9. Enough!

1861

_Jasper_

Sleep was so foreign to me that I thought I was dreaming when I had woken up with a solid night of sleep after Catty had caught me in the kitchen only the night before. I thought about what she said over and over again as my decision to enlist only grew stronger and stronger, implanting itself into my thoughts until all I could think about was being a soldier. Catherine had been right—it was easy to imagine myself as a soldier. While I knew life would be different and not nearly as comfortable as I lived now, it would be a life I knew I'd be honored to live. I was going to fight for what I believed in.

Somehow, though, battle seemed a lot less terrifying than approaching my mother and Robert again.

They were sitting at the table for breakfast when I finally got up the nerve to approach them. Catherine was sitting there and she smiled as I walked in. She more than likely had my gait memorized in her head. I smiled at her, knowing she'd be able to sense that I was recognizing her.

I turned towards my mother and Robert who were clearly oblivious to what I was going to say. Again.

"Ma…Robert. I've decided something and I want you to respect the decision." Ma looked at me strangely, unsure of what I was getting at, but Robert knew exactly where our conversation was heading.

"You are not going to enlist, Jasper Whitlock," Robert retorted, already angry. Ma blinked, looked at her husband, and then back at me, confused.

"I beg to differ, Robert. You seem to think that I'm asking for your permission in this, when it's quite the opposite, in fact. I'm simply hoping that at least one of you will give your blessing to my decision." Ma and Robert both shook their head simultaneously as Catty smirked to herself. She always found a way to express what she was saying, verbally or not.

"You're not eighteen. They won't let you enlist," my mother pleaded, and I looked back at her, my gaze softening. She was much more fragile than Robert. There was no need for me to be aggressive with her.

"Ma, you know they won't question me. I'm taller than Pa, for one thing, and I used to be mistaken for twenty when I was only sixteen." She frowned deeply at me and looked to Robert.

"I didn't know you were one to be suicidal, Jasper," Robert snapped at me. I rolled my eyes in response and waited for him to finish. "The only fight you've ever been in is when you were no older than ten and got into scuffles with your friends. You can't possibly think you'd survive an actual war, son." A disgusted shiver ran down my spine as Robert spat out the last word. I knew he was only saying it as a tactic, and it was a smart one at that. He was trying to get me to back off, or at defeat me, and my biggest weakness when it came to him was our relationship, or lack thereof.

"I'm one of the best riders in all of Houston, though, and that's putting it mildly, Robert, and you know that. You also know that I'm a quick learner and I'd be, excuse me, Catty, Ma, damn good at anything that they ask me to do. There's a chance that I could die—I'm very aware—and I'm willing to risk that to fight, Robert. This isn't me wanting to see the thrill of a battle, no. If you think that I want to enlist for a chance for some easy glory, then you're sorely mistaken. Even though we're not on any terms to be considered good, I at least thought you knew me well enough to not have to deny the fact that I'm petty than any desire to be a celebrity and naïve enough not to recognize that war is the most dangerous thing on this planet." We stared each other down for a while after I was done speaking. I could feel him assessing me in his gaze, trying to find a weakness. He could find it and I knew he'd find it easily, for he was saying it before I had time to see it coming.

"Well, Catherine, I'm sorry that your brother is heartless enough to break all those promises to you," Robert said with such a high concentration of fake-sincerity that my stomach turned. That was it. I was done. There was no use in holding back for Ma or Catty's sake. They knew everything I wanted to say.

"That's enough!" I yelled, and Ma and Catty both jumped. Robert was clearly taken aback and I took that small pause he was making while I could.

"You have no_ right at all_ to say any of that to me, to Ma, and _especially_ to Catherine! Ever since Catherine lost her sight, you have been the exact opposite of a father, of a husband, to all of us! There's a reason I haven't called you 'Pa' since December—the term should be awarded to someone who actually acts like a father, not a cruel, heartless bastard that twists a knife deeper and deeper into his family like you are!

"I'm sorry to say this and find it even sadder that I have to say it, but I'm ashamed of you, Robert. Never before in my life have I ever been so embarrassed to be around someone as much as I'm embarrassed to be around you. You're rude, mean, and treat me like your inferior just because I actually call you out on the insanity you're always force-feeding Ma, Catty, and I.

` "Throughout everything, though, I only have one thing to say to you: I'm sorry. There's only one reasonable explanation that I can think of to give reason as to why you're so malicious, and that's that someone was just as mean to you as you are to my family and I. I'm sorry for that, Robert, but I'm stopping that vicious cycle, because at the end of the day, if I end up being twice the man that you are, I'll still be a sad excuse for a human being." Silence rang through the room as I looked at Robert, refusing to break my eye contact with him, until I looked to Ma and saw that she was near tears. I stepped towards her and took her hand in mine.

"I apologize for my behavior, Ma." She said nothing, but licked her lips and bowed her head. It was a nervous habit that I had as well.

Silently, I left her hand at the table before turning to the family and cleared my throat to speak again. "I'm going now into town to enlist into the Confederate cavalry." I turned to my sister who was clearly shocked. "Would you like to come with me?" She nodded and stood silently—there was some emotion in her face that I couldn't quite place and I hoped that I hadn't frightened her when I had lost my composure.

"I should be home before lunch. If not, do not wait for us." I turned back to Ma and Robert one last time before escorting Catty to the stables, where she and I rode Lightning up to Houston and I wondered if there was any chance that Robert had truly heard what I had wanted to say.

Catherine, while she couldn't see the writing on the paper, refused to let my certificate of enlistment go once I handed to her after I had signed up to join the Texan cavalry in efforts to protect ourselves from the Union. She was absolutely giddy, so excited to have a soldier for a brother that I almost wished that we had another brother so that he could enlist and keep her happy for a while longer. Her contagious energy infected the entire house and made the tension that I had caused, no doubt, earlier that morning, to fade away slightly. Robert was just as cold as usual, but at least he wasn't blatantly a pain to deal with.

I was to leave Houston and head for Austin in a week to join the rest of the new recruitments for training. That scared Ma, knowing I'd be gone so soon, but Catty approached it with her usual optimistic attitude.

"Well, that means you and I are going to have to accompany each other even more now to make up for how long you're going to be gone," she had said, laughing, when we were walking from the stables back to the house after returning from town.

As usual, my night ended in my bedroom, reading, until there was a small, petite rap on the door. It was too rhythmic to be Catty…

"Ma?"

"Jasper, may I come in?" Ma called softly through the door. I marked my page in my book and sat up in my bed.

"Yes, of course, Ma." She came in carefully, hesitantly, as if she was walking around hot coals while she turned around to close the door. I watched her as she walked forward and sat down in the chair that was in the corner of my room. She stayed silent and I let her turn around her thoughts—she was incredibly worried and anxious. I was nearly being choked by the emotion rolling off of her.

"I'm sorry that I haven't stood by your side as much as I should have." I sighed and turned to face her as she wrung her hands. Her voice was just as delicate as she was.

"Ma…" she shook her head at me and held up a single hand to signal for me to stop. I closed my mouth and waited for her to speak. She was allowed to take her time.

"You have always been incredibly loyal, Jasper. From the moment that you were born, you always loved everyone that you came in contact with. I remember when you were little, and you would waddle around after me, wanting to protect me from any unknown harm. When Catherine came along, your natural ability to want to protect and defend grew stronger by a thousand times. It's always been your most endearing trait, but not the only reason that I've loved you.

"I watch you and Catherine a lot—how you react around her. It's special. It's the way that my brother would always treat me when we were your age. If I wasn't so spooked by horses,-" she and I cracked a smile, "-I know I would ride with the two of you as much as I could just to be with you. I love you and Catherine more than the both of you could ever dream of…well…you'll understand when you have a wife and children of your own, Jasper." Our smiles warmed up slightly as my mother's natural shyness started to slowly melt and I felt warmth burn through her anxiety.

"I don't want you to marry out of convenience, Jasper, like I did with your fa—Robert. He was kind at a younger age, but always was superficial and I'm glad that neither you or Catherine have attributed any personality trait from him, but he has always at least given us a roof to shelter our family and food to eat. I know he's not a father in any sense of the term, excluding the biological sense, but he has taken care of us, whether or not you like to believe it." I grimaced for only one reason—she was right and there was no use in trying to deny it.

"You are growing into becoming a man that I'm proud to call my son, Jasper. I'm honored to be blessed with such beautiful children like you and Catherine and I hope that the both of you will have the fortunate ability to experience parenthood as well. Not only will you be a phenomenal father, Jasper, but a loving, caring, and good husband. The woman that you marry will be a very, very lucky woman in deed." I smiled shyly and looked down at the floor, trying to hide the blush that I felt crossing my cheeks.

"I only have one more thing to say, Jasper, and then I'm going to head off to bed and let you get your rest. The fact that you are a soldier now scares me—the chance that I'll lose you is very high and I can't bear to even think about you being gone. So, be safe, my darling son, please. Write me often so I don't have to lose sleep every night of the month, and when you return home, because I'm not going to let my only son not come back to me, bring Catherine with you. I know she'll like that." I laughed under my breath and stood to embrace my mother.

"I promise, Ma, that I'll do everything in my power to come back." She nodded and wiggled out of my arms before smiling at me and kissing my cheek.

"I know you will. That's why I'm even letting you leave at all." Ma left then, and I sat back down on my bed. My mother's words lingered in my mind for a long, long time, as I thought about everything she said. I finally drifted off to sleep not too long after she left, with thoughts of coming back home to my family and starting my own life off in my head. One with a wife that I'd love every second of every day, a sister that would find a man that could see through her unseeing eyes and still see her unwavering beauty, and maybe a daughter or son of my own to raise and take care of. Yes, that would be nice. Very nice indeed.

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**Apologies for any typos and ill-worded sentences, my darlings. I was going back over this to edit and revise, but then I decided to put the rough draft up because I didn't want to refine how raw any of the characters get. **

**Anyways! Two more chapters before Maria, my darlings. And I'm SO excited to throw her in the plot.  
**

**Reviews, my darlings?**

**And I know I've probably been spoiling you-and myself-with three chapters in two days, but I'm not sure if chapter ten will get out tonight, but I'm going to try my best to get introduce Maria in a week. **


	10. She'd Love Me

1862

_Jasper_

_Letter Number Thirty-Six_

_Dear Ma,_

_ I know you like the comfort of a date, Ma, but it's so pointless sometimes because mail is so easily lost in this system. So, I'm now numbering them instead of dating them. It'll be easier on the both of us—while you like a month and a day, Ma, I know it drives you crazy if they're too far apart._

_ Things are going well, I'm glad to admit. While I'd much rather be at home with you in Houston, things could be worse. Other troops barely scrape by, but currently we're residing near a small town just a few miles outside of Austin and the locals are treating us well. I was actually able to eat something besides biscuits that are harder than steel, gritty coffee, and salt pork that is much more salt than pork. Nothing, though, is as good as Brian's cooking. Don't tell him that, though. I know it'll just go to his head._

_ I'm sorry that this letter is so short, but it's late, my candle is burning close to the wick, and I need some sleep. Be sure to send LeLe my best wishes and congratulate Carolina for me about the new baby. I'm sure she'll be a great mother. Make sure that Nathan is taking good care of Lightning for me. Except for Catty, I wouldn't trust that old horse with anyone else, but I do need some reassurance that he's okay. I'd like to see him when I come back. _

_ Sincerely,_

_ Jasper_

I sighed and read the letter one more time before folding it and sticking it an envelope. It was only a few more moments later when the letter was addressed and tucked away in my pack. John, a man that wasn't much older than I and a friend that I had quickly made after we met on the train to Austin, was sound asleep next to me. He was clutching, as usual, a picture of a fair-haired woman with a bright smile and dark eyes. She looked a lot like the younger photos of Ma, except John's lady was much more exuberant, or at least that's what he claimed. 'She was as charming as the sun and as refreshing as life'. His words, not mine.

"Her name is Anne," he had said when I noticed the picture that he was staring at lovingly on the train. "Anne Rose McBride. I'm damn right sorry that you never met her, 'cause that picture don't do justice compared to what she looks like in person, that's for damn sure." I handed him back the picture at that time.

"Beauty ain't the only thing that I love about her. It ain't even the first reason that I was drawn to her." John kept the picture tight in his hand as I waited for him to go on—I could tell that he wasn't done.

"She's real smart. Three or four times smarter than me. Right after we first met, she told me she wants to go to college and become a nurse. Oh, she does love children, and children love her just as much. She's the local librarian in my small little town and is always carrying a book. And smilin'. I do love her smile." He took a moment to smile at the picture for a moment, and the look in his gray eyes was so intimate that I looked away for a moment at a few men that were across from our seats until John started talking again.

"The best part is that she loves me too. I doubt that she loves me as much as I love her—no, sir, that'd be damn near impossible since I don't see how anyone can love anyone else like I love her. See, Jasper Whitlock, I'm not too bright. Always worked with my hands and I much rather would be rough housin' with some of my friends than readin' a book. Anne is perfect every day of the week, though, and twice on Sunday. She's everything that every guy could ever hope for and then some. And she's mine. That's why I'm goin' to marry her when we're done with this hell. 'Cause she could have the king of England if she wanted to do and she chose me." We both laughed slightly at this and John smiled in a certain way of his that reminded me of Catherine's free spirit. I started missing her the second that I stepped on the train.

"I'm as serious as God, too. I ain't gonna let anyone get my Anne. She's goin' to be mine, all mine. Mrs. Anne Rose Eckert. That's gonna be her."

It was nights where I couldn't sleep that I found myself thinking about my future in more detail besides just making it out of the war alive. I knew Catherine would find happiness easily. Any man would be a fool to let her go. She would choose wisely, though. Catherine wouldn't marry a man that she didn't love with her entire heart like she loved every moment that had happened, was happening, and was to come.

It was myself that I questioned, though. What did I want in the wife that I dreamed of having? Would I want someone as poised as Anne, or as carefree as Catherine? I couldn't place a woman I already knew within my life to compare to the woman that my mind created to be my wife. Frankly, I didn't even know what I wanted.

Well, that wasn't completely true. I wanted a woman that would stay true to me, yet not be afraid to stand up for herself if I was ever to become foolish in my ways with her. A woman that was headstrong and had the spirit of the sky—endless and inspiring—and she would smile just to smile. She'd be beautiful because of her heart, not because of her vanity, and she'd not be afraid to speak her mind. I wanted to be able to not only laugh with her, but be able to cry with her. She would let me hold her when she needed it and wouldn't be afraid to wear her heart on her sleeve and leave it outside of a glass case. There would be no use in thinking about love for her—she'd love first, think later, and she'd never consult her mind but her heart. No physical boundary would be strong enough to hold her back if she wanted something and she'd fight to the end. She'd face whatever was thrown her way with a smirk and find a way to stay sane amidst sheer insanity. I wouldn't need children with her—all I would ever need would be…her.

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**Shoot me if you will-I needed some reference to what's to come with our beloved Jalice. 3 And I love fluff. A lot. The chapter was originally going to be this huge foreshadowing chapter, but I decided against it. I'll spring chapter eleven on you tomorrow and then get killed for what I do. This is me apologizing now-I'M SO SORRY, GUYS. I LOVE YOU. PLEASE STILL READ.**

**Oh: anyone catch the straight-from-Alice's-past reference? 10 brownie points and a Girl Scout cookie to the first review that catches what I added in for kicks. ; )**

**Kidding about the Girl Scout cookie, though...those are mine. :D**

**Reviews, please! 3**


	11. A Second Gone

1863

_Elizabeth_

Jasper hadn't been my first born child, but he was the first to live. Robert wasn't even my first husband, if I should stay on the topic of 'firsts'. I had tried marrying in love, only for love, but that husband had died of cancer a few days after our first anniversary. I had been only seventeen at the time when I married him, but I knew that he was the only one that I'd ever love that deeply again. His name had been Ethan. Ethan Tyler Hawthorne. He was tall and thin and didn't have the strength of Robert and couldn't come close to Jasper's physical power as he aged. Ethan had been so kind, though, so gentle. I had loved him passionately, yet foolishly. My heart was his and his alone—sometimes it was hard for me to believe that my heart could beat in my own chest when it belonged with Ethan. It was a fairytale romance with a horrific ending.

Ethan left a part of him behind when he died—a son. I was with child when he died, only in the very beginning weeks of my pregnancy. He was the most handsome, most adorable baby that God had ever created. I named him Michael Ethan in honor of his father. There were two years that I had with little Michael, and those two years were so incredibly bittersweet without Ethan to watch his son grow. But, the winter before his third birthday was too harsh for his small body to endure. Burying not only Ethan, but Michael, shattered my heart in an inexplicable way as to where I thought that I'd never be able to move on.

My mother and father didn't try to pressure me into getting married again at first, but I wanted to be a wife. It was what God wanted me to do, I knew. I never was cut out to be a librarian, a teacher, or a nurse like most of my friends ended up being. There were few things special about me, besides what my parents described as an endless patience that I saw through to the end. It sounds like a perfect trait for a wife and mother, no?

I met Robert Whitlock when I was twenty-three and married him when I was twenty-four. He wasn't that much older than I—he was thirty-one on our wedding day—compared to some of my peers that were marrying men twice their age. I didn't love Robert, but he made good money and came from a nice family. The thing that convinced me to marry him was that he lived in Houston, where I lived, so I could be close to my own family.

Jasper was born when I was twenty-five. He was so much like Michael and Ethan. I like to believe that God made him that way so I could still have Ethan with me at all times. Jasper was a miracle in a very peculiar way—while most children screamed and cried in the middle of the night, I rarely had a reason to complain about Jasper. He was inquisitive, and while Robert found that childish and annoying, I found it endearing. It was easy to love Jasper because Jasper found it so easy to love others. Jasper always had a way with people that made him easy to be around.

Of course, though, he was quite…spirited…in everything he did. Jasper studied with a mind that thrived off of the work he was doing, the knowledge he was taking in. He rode his horse, Lightning, with such a peacefulness about him that I would have let him ride all day if he asked me to. Catherine was always his main priority, though—she had him wrapped around her finger and I still think that she never even realized it. I don't know if Jasper could have had a sister that was a better fit to him than Catherine—while Jasper wasn't as lively as dear Catherine was, they were like two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. He never thought twice about doing all in his power to make her happy and she never took that for granted, never took advantage of her big brother that loved her dearly and cared about her deeply.

When Catherine lost her sight, it was like Jasper lost something in himself as well. While his guard over her intensified, he was not only her brother, but then became her voice. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself that I let Robert walk all over Jasper and Catherine, letting him treat her like she wasn't worth the same amount just because she couldn't see his face and treating him even worse because he had the gall to call him out on his insensitivity and cruelty. It's that very same reason, the fact that Jasper would do anything for Catherine and Catherine alone, that I won't tell him what happened to her until he comes home.

She was coming home for summer vacation from Dallas. Oh, how Catherine thrived at that school. Like Jasper, she too loved school and learning, and when she was able to learn not only history, arithmetic, and writing, but then how to live a normal life, she started turning from a girl into a lovely young woman with such a solid spirit that I wanted to cry when I saw her face as she went on and on about how much she loved being at school.

There was also a boy she told me about. His name was Matthew. He wasn't blind like she was, but his sister, Elise, didn't have sight as well, and was the same age as Catherine. Elise would invite Catherine over to her home all the time, and over time, Matthew and Catherine became close friends. He was also willing to tell her what he looked like so Catherine could try and match an image to his face. I found that quite odd until Catherine explained that she wasn't trying to be vain about his looks—she just wanted an image that she could match to his voice when she dreamt.

"Deep brown hair," she said the day she came home. "As brown as mahogany wood, but there's also red flecked in it. It only shows in the sun light, though, he says. He's pale, just shorter than Jasper, and very pale skin. Matthew said it was as pale as cream, but I don't believe him. He likes to tease Elise and I a lot like that. Oh, and also, he's got blue eyes. 'Dark, yet icy' were his exact words." I then asked her how she could trust his descriptions of himself. Catherine used to be able to see faint shapes and outlines right after the incident, but even that faded away in time. How could she know he wasn't lying to her? She smiled at me for a moment like the answer was staring me straight in the face.

"I trust him, Mother. He's my friend and companion. Better yet, _I _am _his_ friend." That was when I was completely convinced that Dallas had been a perfect choice for Catherine. She told me that Elise and Matthew's family had even invited her to stay with them for Christmas. Catherine really was happy there.

She had died a month later. Scarlet fever had been running everywhere, and Catherine had caught it. Somehow, by some cruel act of God, I had lived as well and Catherine had died. Carolina's baby, Sean, had been taken by the fever as well. Burying Catherine had been three, four, five times as hard as watching Michael be lowered into the ground. I had lived thirteen years with Catherine. She had been the perfect daughter, the perfect sister—everything about her from the curls she had gotten from me to her eyes that she'd inherited from Robert to the sweet way she had to make sure everyone around her was smiling, even when she couldn't see the was absolutely perfect. Catherine was an angel in all definitions of the word. She was kind, caring, loved everyone, judged no one, and had a beauty that surpassed her face and clothes.

Then God took her from me just as swiftly as he had taken Michael from my arms. I was left alone in my house in Houston, with only one person that could even begin to sympathize to the sheer torture that I was going through. Catherine wasn't the one risking her life every day, yet she was the one to die young. She wasn't fighting a war, and she had her life sentenced to death decades before where her time should have been. Things surpassed unfair at that point.

Robert sent the two letters that I couldn't bear to send—one to the school for the blind, telling them that Catherine wouldn't return for the new semester, and one to Elise and Matthew, her close friend and the boy that had infatuated her ever-growing heart. They stayed with Robert and I—I wanted them to be close to her family since they were so close to Catherine. Grieving wasn't something you could handle alone. Unfortunately, they had missed her funeral, but I asked Brian to make a dinner for us and their family in honor of Catherine. Alan and Emily had paid their respects, so I saw that it wouldn't be fair if Matthew and Elise couldn't.

They made a small, private service for themselves, myself, their parents, and Robert. There was no minister. All they did was go out to the stables, Catherine's favorite place in the world, and talked about her and how special she was to them.

I feel wrong for not wanting to tell Jasper, but I can't lose a third child. There's no way I'm going to risk him getting killed because he's so distraught over Catherine's death. It's horrible, but I can't go through that again. Never. Again.

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**God, I hate myself for writing this. Really. I'm not going to explain why I killed off Catherine, though, unless someone asks. But, I was in near tears as I was writing this chapter.**

**OH: If anyone is seeing any correlation between Esme and Elizabeth, I know there is a lot there, but I created Elizabeth as a character in little one-shots long before I knew Esme's back-story. So. No one gets to yell at me for that.**

**Reviews, my loves? **

**Also: if anyone has been counting down, I think you guys can guess what happens in the next chapter... :D**


	12. Recruitment

1863

_Maria_

Armies were harder to create than one might think. It wasn't as simple as just gathering up a group of people and then training them for battle. Of course, a _human_ general was very different from one that walked at a different time of life. If you were planning to seize territory as I was, in the fashion that _I_ was, you needed to think for more than just victory—avoiding starvation and horrifically painful death were also on the list of priorities for a general like myself.

I sighed as I looked down at the body at my feet. She was a pretty thing-for a human. Dark hair, dark as a raven's, flowed past her shoulders. Her body, though lifeless, was definitely a most promising one. She was slightly awkward, but I assumed that a man during this century found that endearing. While her features suggested her to be in her early twenties, I knew better than that—the female was probably around sixteen, no older than seventeen. A pretty little thing, but it was her fault that she was walking around at night with no one to protect her from the dangers that lurked while the sun wasn't out to keep things like myself at bay.

There was no use in hiding her body expertly—I had taken her from civilization, far from it, in fact, and I was now in the 'middle of nowhere' as the weaklings—_humans_—called it. Sighing, I looked around, pursing my lips, surveying for a spot to ditch the girl. There was a river maybe fifty miles away from where I stood—perfect. There were Union soldiers based in the relative area, and so were Confederate troops. I could easily disguise her death as a rape gone wrong. It would sure send the enemies into a tiff of sorts if the Confederate weaklings found her body. Not only would it be entertaining for myself and my…_comrades_, I could snatch a soldier or two for myself and..._change..._them into what I needed.

It was almost insultingly easy to disguise the girl's death and then throw her body into the river. But, after she was tossed in the water, I noticed a scent then. It wasn't as delicious as a human's—no, it definitely wasn't a weakling's aroma. My throat wasn't reacting in that way, and besides, there wasn't a heartbeat for a hundred miles to tip off a meal for myself.

"_Buenos noches, _Maria." A dark soprano echoed in my ears, thirty yards to my right. I hissed and pulled myself into a half-crouch.

"Nettie," I growled at her in response. She laughed then and pulled herself from the tree she was hiding behind. Her eyes were a brilliant crimson, just as mine were—she had fed recently as well, but had gotten rid of her leftovers in a different spot. I didn't put it past her to have followed me—Nettie had a strange, and potentially fatal for her, fascination with annoying me. She just loved making me constantly second-guess exactly why I made her an ally with me.

"No need to be harsh, Maria." I rolled my eyes and stood up straight as she walked forward. But, there was no way I was going to try and stay near her for now, especially since I was so irked that she had tried sneaking up on me again. She knew I hated that. But, of course, Nettie had different plans. She stayed behind me, but at a fairly safe distance away.

"Why are you not watching the newborns?" I snapped at her. Nettie smirked simply at me.

"We had another decrease in numbers and Lucy did what she needed to do to scare them into submission. I also hadn't fed in two weeks and I was about to make our numbers drop even further. She said she could handle it."

"How many are left now?" That was all I cared about. Numbers of my soldiers.

"Six," she replied simply, shrugging. I hissed again. My soldiers had gone from thirteen to six within a few hours. I needed a way to somehow keep them from killing each other, but it was hard to deny a bloodthirsty, insanely strong, vampire its innermost desire when they could very easily kill you. I needed a mediator for my newborns and I needed one as quickly as possible. While that meant running the risk of having to drag around someone just as ignorant and pestering as Nettie or Lucy, I needed to win back the territories I had lost, and if I had an army that was too focused on killing each other rather than slaughtering my enemies, there wouldn't be a chance in hell that I'd have any victory—or live.

I had an advantage over most vampires trying to create an army like I was—I was a fighter, then a creator, while some vampires created armies with absolutely no idea of how to go about doing it. Nettie and Lucy had also been survivors from armies that had been otherwise decimated, though they didn't have a clue how brutal the fights were like they were in Mexico, where Benito, the man who created the ingenious idea to use newborns to fight, was not a name to honor, but a legend to beat.

Not only did I fight flawlessly, I was strong enough in mind to be kept around after I passed my newborn age. Soon after I was around a decade old, I started to ally myself with other of the older vampires in the army that I had been created to be in. Infiltration wasn't that hard to do at all—my creator was killed easily and swiftly, but because I had collaborated with vampires older than me, they thought it was okay to leave me behind, even if I was the one who had the idea to rebel. They were also done away with within a few months, maybe a year. Time tended to run together for me.

I met Nettie and Lucy soon after I had lost Monterrey, the place where I was born both times. They were both old soldiers of even older, more foolish vampires. We all had one common goal—dominate the south with our own army. As you can tell, however, they are not what I would choose to attack with, but I didn't have room to be picky at that time. I needed support and Nettie and Lucy were there—no matter how stupid the both of them were.

We were all changed fairly young—I had been fifteen, Nettie was sixteen, and Lucy had been changed somewhere around that time. She had no recollection of what her age was. We used our appearances to trap any promising man that we came across. Luring the weaklings, however, was the easy part. Turning them from defenseless creatures to nearly-invincible death machines was a whole new task. While I looked the youngest out of the three of them, I was technically the oldest of our small group. With age, came power and control. Nettie and Lucy tried to change a few, and even fewer kept their lives to become vampires. I still lost one or two here and there, but it was easy to tell that I would be good to be the one to try and change our recruitment.

That's what brought me to somewhere with no civilization around for miles. Six soldiers, no way to keep them at that amount, and two incompetent partners—it was not the situation that I wanted to be in, especially when I was itching to return to battle like I had been in constantly while I was younger.

Nettie led me back to Lucy, where our fighters were enjoying a snack. Good. That would satiate them momentarily. I analyzed my men carefully from a safe distance away as I watched them feed, careful not to pose a threat—the last thing I wanted to do was anger any one of them and then have to kill them to stop them from doing the same to me. My head was already aching enough as I tried to come up with a way to get what I needed.

A light breeze passed through the air and the back of my throat started to burn. I grinned and motioned over to Nettie and Lucy as I watched their eyes light up with the scent of blood as well. The newborns were too far away to smell the blood, so I didn't bother with worrying about that. As my comrades came closer, I could see the look in their eyes—they had the same idea as I did. Either we would have a late-night snack, or there was a possibility our small nest could be introduced to our fledglings.

We ran wordlessly to follow the scent, and I was pleased to see that not only was the tantalizing smell a man, but a soldier. He was also alone. This seemed to be only too perfect.

"Remember, girls, we have to draw him in, not scare him away. We'll take care of the horse later," I whispered as the man then saw us. Oh, things were going almost too smoothly. I laughed to myself as I watched the horse and its rider turn towards my small group. The closer he got, the more I saw in him. He held himself with an aura that I liked, and I could see what I knew to be markings of an officer on his dusty uniform. _So this man knew how to achieve power_, I thought to myself. His green eyes were fierce and focused, ready for any threat to come near. I chuckled under my breath once more as I thought about the irony in my thoughts. The poor man was a fighter, I knew, but was riding himself into a deadly trap.

He got down from his horse after he was close and his scent played with my thirst, despite the fact that I had recently fed. The man said nothing, though, as he got down, and I could see the same emotion in his eyes that I saw in every one of my victims.

"He's speechless," Lucy whispered in my ear. I smiled to acknowledge her. He was quite fascinating to me—I was drawn in by some unknown force to stay attentive to the man.

"Mm. Lovely," Nettie sighed in pleasure as she took in his scent. My eyes had to then dart to Nettie—I wasn't going to lose him to her reckless ways.

"Concentrate, Nettie," I warned, before turning back to the man.

"He looks right—young, strong…an officer," I paused, studying him, scrutinizing him. "And there's something more…do you sense it? He's…compelling." That was an understatement. It was easy to tell that the officer before me would bear a gift to my army. Yes, he would not be my snack, but my soldier. I almost felt bad for the Confederate army that they would lose a clearly important man tonight. Almost.

"Oh, yes," Nettie sighed again, leaning towards the officer for a second time. She was testing me and I didn't like it at all.

"Patience," I cautioned her. "I want to keep this one." Nettie frowned, clearly annoyed, and pulled back. I refrained from rolling my eyes at her.

"You better do it, Maria," Lucy spoke. "If he's important to you. I kill them twice as often as I keep them." There was something else in Lucy's voice that I couldn't quite place until I smirked devilishly as I named the emotion in her eyes—_lust_.

"Yes, I'll do it. I really do like this one. Take Nettie away, will you? I don't want to have to protect my back while I'm trying to focus." The man's eyes widened in shock, and to my delight, fear. He knew what was coming for him, yet he didn't run. How intriguing he was to me.

"Let's hunt." Nettie turned to Lucy then, grabbing her hand, but I said nothing. They ran behind us, their speed leaving behind a small waft of air, but I didn't do anything to recognize their absence. I was merely staring at the man.

"What is your name, soldier?" I asked, curious.

"Major Jasper Whitlock, ma'am," he stammered and I smiled at him. How cute. He really was frightened.

"I truly hope you survive, Jasper. I have a good feeling about you." I stepped closer to him, preparing myself to bite him. Jasper's fear spiked then, I could see it in his face, but I didn't do anything but then tilt his head back and then sink my teeth down deep into his neck.

His screams came a millisecond later. Jasper writhed against my hold, but he was only causing farther damage to himself by trying to fight against a vampire. Of course, he probably didn't realize that I was one in his delirium, but I didn't care about his feelings. All I cared about was him surviving.

Jasper's blood was one of the most potent I had ever tasted, if not the most delectable. I could feel my head start to swarm with a hungry craze nearly as quickly as I was draining Jasper of life. He just tasted so good, though! I didn't want to fight against my natural instincts to kill him mindlessly, but I had to torture myself to be able to make sure that he lived. Reluctantly, and with every ounce of self control that I could muster, I pulled my mouth away from Jasper and let him collapse to the ground as he seized and shrieked in pain. The horse was running off then, but I wasn't about to let the beast go. Two seconds later, a horse's corpse was a few hundred yards to my left, and Jasper was at my feet. The smell of his blood was slowly but surely turning more and more metallic as my venom coursed through his veins, painfully turning him from a human to a much more stronger and unstoppable version of himself.

I stayed with Jasper until Nettie and Lucy returned, both of their eyes an even fresher shade of vermillion. They smiled at me and broke into a slightly irritating, quiet round of applause.

"Well done, Maria," Lucy congratulated me as she kneeled down besides Jasper to study him further. Nettie stood behind me, content with watching Jasper from not such a close distance.

"There's a reason you're trusted with the changes, Maria," Nettie murmured from behind me and I shrugged nonchalantly before standing.

"There's also a reason I'm your superior. I wonder if they correlate at all," I snapped sarcastically at her, and Nettie just rolled her eyes at me.

"I really do hope he doesn't get killed by the others," I sighed as I walked around Jasper's tense body. "If not, I'm going to be devastated that I let him be changed. His blood was so…" I sighed to finish my sentence as Jasper opened up his eyes. They immediately found me and I smiled at him.

"Welcome to the army, Jasper Whitlock. Try not to get yourself killed. I don't like it when I'm let down."

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**Maria has now taken her entrance into our small story. Stage left, I believe, was her cue. ; ) Anyways. If y'all are half as creeped out by her as I was writing this chapter, I've done my job.**

**Reviews for our deadly senorita?**


	13. Goodbye, Humanity

1863

_Jasper_

When Catherine had lost her sight, and again when our father betrayed her, I thought that I'd never know a pain like that. With time, though, the pain faded, though my feelings towards both Catherine and Robert never were lost to dilution. Another significant memory of pain was my basic training in the Confederate army—I had been so sore I thought that I would never be able to move again. That memory, however, is nearly incomprehensible in my mind now. With the exception of Catherine, everything in my human life became irrelevant in the life I'd be forced to live because of one single woman and her insane addiction to power and the high that came with a victory.

Maria was the angel's name, though I was sure as I laid on the dusty, dirty ground, she was no angel, even though she was so much more beautiful than the paintings of the winged creatures in churches. Never once in my life did I believe in the supernatural, except for God, but as I watched her enchanting, enticing crimson eyes analyze me past the point of dignity, I knew my life had no care or cause for humanity and it's simple, naïve boundaries. Her inferiors, Nettie and Lucy, came and gone as the flames ate me alive, but Maria always stayed. She never got uninvitingly close like Lucy did, or stayed afar like Nettie, but just _watched_ me with an expression that drove me so far past the point of madness that I swore there was no point in calling me insane—insanity was nothing to me. She was more than simply alluring, though. Every bit of emotion that passed through her face both terrified me and captivated every thought in my mind. There was no doubt she was powerful. The torture I was going through was a simple sign of her dominance. Of course, in my last moments as a human, I wasn't even able to graze across the surface of the enigma that was Maria, the demon in an angel's body. To this day, I doubt anyone will ever be able to truly see past her life's single most important task—not only win, but kill and mutilate the sanity of those around you, friend or foe. Yet again, the woman, the devil that was Maria found no solace in friendship.

The sun rose and fell three times during what I'd later call 'the change'. My veins turned from being coated in agonizing flames to being surrounded in an inescapable wildfire. All of a sudden, the fire and my heart were in a fatal race. The invisible flames wanted to consume me completely, but my heart wasn't willing to give out so easily. It was beating wildly in a crazed rhythm, forcing me to think about my impending "death". Yet again, if I was stuck in nothing but flames with three witches, wasn't I already dead, but also in hell? It made sense to me. Hell had been described exactly in the situation that I was in-endless flames and demons. I kept running through my head exactly _why_ I had been damned to hell, but I couldn't think of any possible reason. I had tried my best to be the best son and brother that I could be, and also rose to my serve the cause that I believed in when I needed to fight to defend my home. Why was I being tortured? Why was this happening to me? It couldn't be…this had to be a nightmare…

While my head was filling itself with delusions, Maria was preparing for something. She was endlessly screaming at Nettie and Lucy in Spanish. My eyes were still open at this time as I watched the extraordinary demon that had put me through this hell and had 'killed' me. Her face was no longer a quiet, beautifully fatal calm, but a ruthlessly deadly, unforgiving mask of controlled power. My heart, at the same time, kept increasing in power at the same speed that the pain was. There was no use in screaming anymore—my voice was gone and hoarse from the endless hours that I cried out for someone to save me. What would save me, however, hadn't even been born yet.

Maria stopped screaming out of nowhere and her head snapped to face me. She smiled simply, though her eyes were ablaze with anticipation. Slowly, steadily, she crept towards me.

"Do you have his meal?" She asked to Nettie and Lucy, but stayed focused on me.

"Yes. He's not dead, but severely incapacitated," Lucy replied, clearly bored from what I could see of her. Nettie was out of my line of sight, though I could…sense…her there, strangely.

"Well. He won't like that it won't give him a fight, but it'll be blood for him. Bring the body closer over here—I don't want this one running off from me and making those power-hungry, ancient Italians having to step in. Just in case." Something about the way Maria regarded these 'Italians' made me curious, even through the fear and pain. She clearly respected them, but at the same time, she sounded almost envious. I definitely was glad I had the accent of a southerner and not someone from abroad right then.

"The change is almost finished. Be ready, girls—he'll be especially hard to handle." Maria stood then and took quite a few steps away from me. Lucy then was out of my sight, and Nettie was even farther away, from what I could tell. Somehow, it was easy to pick up that they were circling around me. As to why, I didn't know.

My heart was now at its absolute maximum speed. I was sure that I was going to die, or at least already in hell. Life wasn't this painful—or at least that's what I thought. Earlier, I had been sure I could no long even speak, but I erupted in pleas for a ceasefire on the pain. My eyes closed, my body tensed—my entire system was trying to resist letting the fire lose. Maria, Nettie, and Lucy all erupted in a sadistic round of laughter, though I kept on screaming…until my heart stopped beating and the pain vanquished in the same split second.

It was in the dead of night when that happened, a few days after when I had ran across the demon sisters, but it seemed like it was almost an eternity away. Maybe I was dead…Sighing, gasping for breath; I then realized that the powerful flames were replaced by a dry, slow burn in my throat. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear the sound of a river, but the wet sound revolted me. Breathing heavily, I opened my eyes and found a whole different kind of shock through me, but only for a millisecond.

Everything was so sharp, so clear. I could see every particle of dirt underneath me and feel the slightest tremor in the wind incredibly easily. My mind felt different, yet the same. I looked at myself for any physical change, but the color of my skin seemed to be the only thing that changed. Was I this pale before? I tried to reach back into my memory, but everything was coated with uncertainty. Right when I was going to try to search deeper in my mind, though, the sound of a heartbeat echoed in my ears, teasing me. It was warm…wet…I needed it. I had to have it and I had to have it right then.

Whirling around, I quickly found the source of the prize that I needed to have. Maria was standing in front of the man that was causing the sound, but she didn't matter to me. I had only one target—getting to the body and draining it of blood. Immediately, I lunged for it, but Maria caught me. I was stronger than her, I could tell, but she was quicker, more experienced. She had me stuck in a vise grip, her arms around my head, holding me there despite how much I tried to free myself from her grasp. Nettie and Lucy then came to her aid, grabbing my arms, though I did manage to hit them a few times, but their minds were clear and mine wasn't.

"Now. Jasper," Maria whispered in my ear. "I know you want the blood." I growled at the word, my throat dying to be satiated. "Trust me. I know. I've been in your place before. All you want is the blood. All you want is the kill." Her words were only half-registering in my head—the only reason I was comprehending them at all was because she was talking about what I wanted. It was like I was an easily distractible toddler and she was my mother, trying to discipline me.

"You can have as much blood as you want…if you do what I ask," she hissed in my ear. "Follow my orders, and you will be rewarded plentifully. If not…" She twisted my head in a direction it wasn't mean to go, and I snarled at her, bearing my teeth, as I heard the cracks of my skin under her skilled, lethal hands that now controlled my every move.

"That's your only warning, Jasper Whitlock. Try not to let yourself get killed when I take you to the others." The three women let me go and I lunged at the body, immediately sinking my teeth into the nearest patch of skin that I could get my mouth around. Warm, tasty,_ tantalizing_ blood drained down my throat, cooling the burn, but it wasn't enough. I sucked the last drop from the corpse, but I wanted more. Where could I get more? There wasn't another heartbeat that could be heard around me. I turned towards Maria—she said she could give me blood. She _would_ give me blood. Maria refused to bow at my offensive pose towards her, my teeth locked and bared as I lowly growled at her.

"I know you want more, Jasper. I know you do. You will get more as soon as I take you to the others." I hissed at her again. No way. I needed more blood right then. Maria laughed at me, which then flipped my switch. I darted at her, but Nettie and Lucy were ready for my attack. They both then came at me, but I was much stronger than the both of them put together. Nettie grabbed my arm, but I easily pushed her off. Lucy tried to tackle me, but I flicked her away without any effort at all. They were skilled, I knew, but I was much faster. Much stronger. Much _better_.

Maria was an entirely different battle, though. For a second, I thought that I was going to be able to attack her, seeing as she was staying perfectly still as I headed for her. It was almost like she wanted me to attack her. In that moment, I was happy to oblige her supposed wish. When I was a breath away from her, though, she broke her form. She then went down for my legs, pulling them out from under me. My fury reached a whole new peak, but there was a strange mix to my emotions that was distracting me. I could feel _her_ determination. Somehow, I knew that I was unruly and untamable without any sharpened focus at all. Maria, however, had at least three or four decades on my age and probably even more. She knew exactly how I would attack. In seconds, I was face down on the ground, my arms behind me, Maria pulling harder and harder. I roared at her in nothing but pure frustration and rage, trying to fight back, but it seemed as though Maria was three steps ahead of my attack.

"Never. Try. To attack. Me," she threatened, her voice just barely cutting through my undisciplined rage. With a snapping jerk, my arms cracked further, causing me to hiss at her twice as loud with a twice as dangerous nonverbal threat. Maria, however, was strangely patient in an otherwise tumultuous situation.

"I will not hesitate to kill you, Jasper!" she yelled at me. I could almost see the way her eyes would grow bloodthirsty—not only would she not hesitate to kill me, but I knew she'd enjoy it.

"Now. Calm. Down! You are no longer human, but a vampire. Jasper, you are above petty games and foolish attacks. Being an officer, I know you're used to power and you can handle it easily. I trust that I'll be able to use that soon in the wars you will now be fighting for _me_. Somewhere in that mind of yours, no matter how muddled with your lust for blood, you respect superiors and now _I_ am your general. You will answer to me and only me, got that?" I was growing tired of where I was. All I wanted was blood. Reluctantly, though still angry, I nodded. Maria's emotions turned slightly pleasant, though I could feel touches of an insanity that even my mind couldn't grasp.

"Good, Jasper, good. Now. I'm going to let you go and take you to the other soldiers. They will want to kill you, but they are not trained like I am. Do not underestimate their strength. They are just as wild as you are, but they are in _my_ army for a reason." Maria let me go then, and Nettie and Lucy quickly came toward me, the three…vampires…formed a tight hold around me, one I didn't dare quite test yet. My mind was occupied by two different things—blood and their emotions. Maria's emotions, while filled with passion, were much calmer, the ruins left behind by an ancient civilization. I could sense intense amounts of destruction within her, but they were bottled, waiting to be unleashed. Nettie was simply overwhelmingly curious, and curious about _me. _ She wanted to see how I was going to turn out in this army that I had unwillingly enlisted for. There were tastes of precariousness about her—she was the least skilled out of the three, but not necessarily unstable. Maria took that prize. Lucy's mind, however, was running rampant with an entirely different emotion—lust. Lust that was driven towards me in suffocating waves—I made a mental note to stick around Maria or Nettie.

We came upon a group of six men that all were shaking for the need of the same thing that I would have killed thousands for in that moment—blood. Lucy's emotions quickly turned impatient as she then sighed and broke off from the guard around me, speeding off in front of us and past the group of vampires that were like myself. From what I could remember, she was going as fast as she had been when I had first met her, but this time I was able to follow her pale figure perfectly until she finally disappeared from the horizon, many miles from where I was.

"Hello, men," Maria cooed sadistically. She motioned to me. "This is your new comrade. His name is Jasper. Try not to kill him, or I might have to end you in return. I like this one." Nettie pushed me forward then, closer towards the group. I growled at the blonde, but she just shrugged at me.

"Lucy will be back with rewards for managing to stay alive in only a few moments, don't worry." All of a sudden, it was like a uncontrollable frenzy broke out between my new fellow soldiers. We were all tense then, all of us in a defensive crouch, all of us pointed towards each other. One with flaming red hair snapped that looked over twice my age snapped and skirted around a boy that had long black hair. Soon enough, they were breaking out into a deadly fight. I wasn't scared, though, as I heard the strange sound of metal being sheered into pieces as the elder was then in beheaded and dismembered before my very eyes. Maria did nothing to stop the fight, but when it was over, she was radiating with disappointment. She came over to the pile of body pieces and pulled out what looked to be flint. The remains of the man then burst into a purple flame, and a sickly sweet scent that revolted my ultrasensitive nose entered in the air.

The outbreak of violence then started a domino effect between the rest of us. Soon enough, there were two different men, one with deep, chocolate curls and the other that was a good five or six inches taller than me that began snapping at me. I growled back as their emotions overwhelmed my senses—they both wanted me dead, despite what Maria had said. No way was I going to let them kill me.

The taller one lunged at me first, but I was much faster than him. I dodged his attack and managed to grab his hand, shattering it in my grip easily. This angered him, but also incapacitated him for a moment to let me turn my focus towards the brunette just as he was about to go for my throat. I snapped at him, grabbing his arms at the wrists and snapping his hands clean off. This one was a better match than the taller vampire, though, and was also determined at killing me. His mouth ready to bite, he tried again at my throat, and I knew he was going to make his attack all the way through. The man's name was Richard Manson. He was the vampire that gave me my first scar, one of hundreds that coated my entire body. He was also my first kill.

Surprisingly it was easy to kill him. I simply detached his arms from his body, and then beheaded him. Maria didn't come around with the flint, though. She was watching me, carefully, but I was barely noticing her. The taller vampire now needed to pay for trying to attack me.

I turned towards him, assessing his emotions. All the man could think about was my death and how he'd enjoy it. I smirked at the thought. He'd never be able to touch me, or even get a move in, for that matter. I took him head on, lighting fast—all it took was ten seconds, and I was the victor of the fight between the now dead vampires and myself. It was only then, when I was the last one standing, that Maria burned the both of them.

"They are still alive, Jasper. Only fire can kill a vampire," she said to me, correcting what I knew she saw in my face, as she struck the flint and my first kill went up in violet flames. "But, I do not want to keep anyone around that loses a fight before he even steps out onto a battlefield." She stealthily stepped over to my second corpse and ended his life with a strike of the flint. Maria then looked at me, her eyes still assessing mine just as intensely as when she first saw me.

"Another warning: stay out of sunlight around humans. If I don't kill you first, someone else will, trust me," she threatened, then turned back to Nettie just as Lucy was then coming back into sight, four or five bodies in her arms. The remaining four of us turned all of our attention on her, immediately sprinting towards our dinner. Lucy just threw the bodies at us when we were several hundred yards away, which was quite smart of her, seeing as any one of my fellow men would have easily attacked her to get to the blood.

I was able to grab my own body to myself just as Maria and Nettie joined Lucy as the three surveyed their remaining men as we fed. It wasn't long that I had one whole entrée to myself, though—another man came towards me, this one with eyes that weren't quite as intensely red as some of the others. He started to make his way towards my feast, in which I lifted my head from the body and then _contorted his emotions. _Despite the fact that I then later learn to do the simple task millions of times over, I don't know exactly how I did it, or how I still do it to this day. The man, though, backed away in a spine-chilling fear, shaking in fright. I went back to my feast, but Maria hadn't missed what I had done.

When I was finished and Lucy collected the drained carcasses to go and dispose of them, Maria confronted me.

"How did you do that?" she snapped, both mad and incredibly pleased at the same time.

"Do what?" Despite being completely backwards, being fed even more blood made me crave the mouth-watering liquid even more. Maria was no priority to me at that time.

"Make Evan back off from your feed." I only assumed the man that was stupid enough to try and approach me was this 'Evan'. Simply, I shrugged.

"I don't know. It's the same reason I can tell why you're mad at me for killing two of your me, yet you're also pleased with me because you think I'm going to give you what you want." Maria blinked, clearly surprised—one of the few times I ever saw her being caught off guard. She then smiled.

"Jasper, you have just made my day. How would you like to be in a position of power?" I quirked an eyebrow at her, slightly confused at what she was asking me. Maria rolled her eyes at me, not giving me a chance to reply.

"I'll train you within the next few days, after that, I want you to then be the controller of the soldiers. Keep them calm and from killing each other all the time. You could say you'll be my right-hand man." She then smiled at me, her emotions creating an edge that I couldn't quite find a name for.

"Congratulations, Jasper. You have just been promoted. I knew you'd suit my army well." Despite the fact that Maria was clearly euphoric, I didn't find the appeal in it at that moment that would later save my life almost twenty years later.

"I don't let my superiors down," I said simply. She nodded her head at me.

"Apparently not—just make sure that you don't make a drastic change in your personality. I'm counting on you to help me become victorious," she then turned cautious, but it was more of a warning towards me. Maria was reinforcing her rule of no tolerance towards disobeying her.

"Do not worry. I can take that on easily."

'Easily'. Such a superficial term. Only if I had known.

Only if I had known.

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**And Jasper is now a newborn!**

**Some of you will notice that I wrote this in a slightly different perspective than I did my other Jazz chapters (I'm going through serious Alice withdrawals, so I'll be calling him Jazz a lot without her). I wrote this _as_ Jasper after Alice, instead of the actual newborn Jasper. The time in which Jasper is with Maria will be written like this until he runs away. I just like this better because Jasper is changing so much throughout these years that I don't want to have them muddle together. Anyways. If you were able to make sense of that, congrats. x D**

**Reviews, darlings?**


	14. Victory in Battles Small and Large

1865

_Maria_

Excellence was not something I strived for, but something that I lived on a day-to-day basis. I never accepted anything less in not only myself, but the people that were in my army, even in the blonde fools that only scraped by in their duties. Unfortunately, their battle skills were too strong to kill them off just because I didn't like them. The countless headaches were worth it when it came to the way they fought. In my six decades that I walked the earth, besides Jasper and myself, no one fought as ruthlessly as Nettie and Lucy. They fought not unlike newborns, except with more precision, more patience, more controlled and fatal power, rather than the savage way I watched my soldiers obliterate everything in their path. Lucy and Nettie were some of the best fighters that I had ever seen. Despite their ignorance, it was easy to see exactly why they had survived their own fights.

Jasper was in a completely different league than either of them, however. He was decades older, but had a whole new level of skill that even I found hard to process sometimes when I would watch him train and discipline my soldiers. He was slow and steady, but never once could you doubt that Jasper could kill you in seconds if he dare wished. Not only was he incredibly skilled as a fighter, his knack to twist and bend an emotional climate was vital to making it out of a battle as brutal and bloody—excuse the bad pun—as the ones that he was fighting. He was able to not only make sure that the pre-battle casualties stayed down, but he had the capability to perfect the emotions in the heat of battle to drive the craving to kill in my soldiers and weaken that same lust in my enemies. It was absolutely brilliant.

The day that I was able to take Monterrey back was possibly the happiest day in my life. Never before had I seen a more merciless fight, but very few of my own men were the victims. It was only my innocent, unknowing enemies that had taken the blunt of the fight. This was in December, only three months after Jasper had been changed, but he was much more civilized as a newborn. He still had the impossible-to-please thirst for blood, but he was able to rein it in just enough to be able to fight and to train. It was beautiful, watching him in battle. He killed with expert precision that struck fear into every single one of the eleven vampires we faced. Twenty-three newborns, Jasper included, plus Nettie, Lucy, and I, against only nine newborns and two older vampires…it almost didn't seem fair. I almost felt sorry for them as I was tearing apart their bodies, killing them all. Almost.

In a simple hour, my home was back and my numbers still remained practically the same. My men, especially Jasper, were rewarded plentifully. Never before had I been more proud of a fight—never before had my craving for another battle been so strong and dominant in my mind. Immediately, Nettie, Lucy, and I started surveying again for some more recruits while Jasper worked hard at perfecting their organization and skills. Nettie and Lucy, as usual, tended to kill more than recruit, so I was trusted again with the job of changing any human we came across. I stayed with my decision, though, to only change men. The Civil War was still going on in the south in America, so there were plenty of troops camped out. I was able to steal and pick a few promising ones—sometimes three or four in a single night. About half of my chosen ones made it through the difficult bite, but I was still pleased. Not only was I getting better at self-control when it came to changing them, Jasper was getting better at keeping them together.

I was able to gain a huge amount of territory with Jasper. Surprisingly, Nettie and Lucy seemed to be slightly less annoying to me the longer that Jasper stayed around. One fight came after another, practically, but everything remained fairly calm for the amount of vampires that were being forced to be together. There was a point to the fighting that it was almost non-stop, though. It was getting to the point where I had to stop replenishing my soldiers because I was too afraid that the Volturi would step in. While I was ruthless in my killings, I was nothing compared to how the Volturi treated anyone who stepped out of their carefully-laid boundaries.

Of course, I purged every time that someone was reaching their one year mark, except for Jasper. While he was losing his strength, he was staying unwaveringly loyal to me and his amount of unsurpassable skill was growing to make it up for his lack of newborn power. Others grew jealous that I kept Jasper around and they tried to kill him, despite the fact that they knew Jasper could end them in a seconds—which he did every time. I never asked him, though, to do the purging, like Nettie and Lucy did, when it came that time. He was too busy with training.

In the end of Jasper's first eighteen months as a vampire, things came and went. Nettie and Lucy being two of the things that had 'went'. They became greedy for the amount of territory that I had won and tried to take me down from the inside. Jasper had killed Nettie—I had killed Lucy. We ended up being able to hold onto my former home, keeping about a dozen newborns at a time. They mean nothing to me, but Jasper was slowly changing—something I had secretly feared and something that I'm still unwilling to admit.

It was his gift with emotions, his deadly charisma that slowed down his hunt for the kill. I watched him as he started to slowly deteriorate. It was nothing absolutely major—Jasper stayed just as lethal, just as unforgiving, but I could see it in his eyes. There was a reason I lead my army well—I could read people easily, plus I had luck with evading death. Jasper wasn't exactly losing interest in fighting; I could just see him quivering just barely inside. It was a vague hint of a slight whiff, but it was something that I stayed true to.

Finding a solution to stopping Jasper from sliding down so far that I would have to kill him was harder said than done until I realized the exact thing I needed to. I knew Jasper had always been attracted to me, and he responded in strange and codependent ways of the emotions around him. It hit me straight in the face one night, a few weeks after Nettie and Lucy had been killed—I could not be his leader anymore, but his lover. While Jasper was oddly gentlemanly, he was still a man. It was as easy as attracting a newborn to blood.

"Jasper, come here," I whispered in the wind one night as I stared into a fire that I had set. Jasper wasn't on duty at that time, but still keeping a vigil on the newborns via their emotions. The fire was simply a constant threat to my murderous pawns that I could kill them anytime I wanted and it not only would it be easy for me, but it would be quick and swift.

Jasper came immediately and dutifully. He stood to my left, just a few steps behind me.

"Yes?" He refrained from calling me 'm'am' or 'madam' years ago when I had nearly clawed his face off for calling me that somewhere around his one-year mark.

"Jasper, were you ever in love as a human?" While there wasn't a caring bone in my body, I knew had to captivate and I knew how to be coy. Jasper took the bait easily.

"No," he answered, clearly confused. He was also a smart boy and didn't ask why I asked.

"That is strange. Since you are so handsome, Jasper, I thought you would have dozens of women on your arm," I flirted, keeping my eyes on the fire. I'd look at him just right when he would begin to soften in my hands.

"Well, dozens of women tried. Dozens of women also failed. None of them really suited what I was looking for." _Perfect_. Jasper was even giving me the right lines to make it easier for me to bait him. It was almost as if the entire scene was perfectly scripted by a playwright.

"What about me?" I looked over my shoulder, but down at the ground, trying to look not so domineering. There was no point in trying to be innocent, but I could at least tone down my inner power.

"What do you mean?" He stepped forward and I turned around towards him.

"Am I what you would be looking for, Jasper?" I looked him straight in his burgundy eyes that never had a chance to turn black.

"Mar-" I didn't give him a chance to speak before I kissed him. The move was a risky one, but I was used to chance and probability. Jasper froze under my lips, but soon melted as he embraced me in the dark moonlight. There was a reason I liked Jasper—not only was he incredibly skilled in combat, but he also almost had a sixth sense in knowing exactly how to walk directly into the traps I laid out for him.

That was just the start as well. The game was a tiring one—always having to be kinder to Jasper killed me, especially when the newborns would cross me for some reason or the other. Jasper made it very simple for me, though, in a lot of aspects. He completely melted into the mold I had shaped and crafted for him. Only a month after I kissed him was I able to get him to say he loved me. Two weeks after that, Jasper killed five newborns after they were over twelve-months old. It was impossible for me to stop his power messing with his head slightly, but he still fought for me and killed when I asked him to kill. He was all mine, and I didn't even need to try. That was probably the best part of it. Jasper did _everything_ that I asked.

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**God, I completely love, yet totally hate Maria. Oh: playing video games online and failing constantly is a good way to get in the mindset of her. Don't ask me why. x D**

**Grr. Anyways. Anyone wishing that Alice was here yet? Yeah. Me too. D:**

**Reviews, dolls?**

**OH: I need to thank all of you! I bet by the time that I get this uploaded with the rest of the chapters, I'll have 900 hits. I just wanted to thank people for reading this story. It's the reason that I even keep writing it in the first place. Also, I owe a shout-out to jilly611. She's given me a review for almost every single chapter and it's been amazingly appreciated!**


	15. Only Victory

**In this chapter, Maria and Jasper become...intimate. I stayed as vague as I possibly could and stayed in character, but I understand that some people still don't like to read anything about that. When Jasper starts talking about a night in June, I suggest either skimming or just skipping it completely to my notes at the bottom. There's my small disclaimer.**

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1865

_Jasper_

Darkness is an understatement compared to how I was living as a fighter for Maria. At first, my gift had no affect on me and what I did for Maria. I was too far past madness to care about what I was feeling and how I was reacting to it. The behavior attached to being a newborn, however, didn't last long in a certain way. Because of the fact that I fed nearly every single day, I was as dangerous as a newborn could get, not counting the skills I had the danger I wielded against Maria's enemies. I was more civilized on the terms of sanity, you could say. Maria's fascination with me helped with that, I guessed. She kept me on a tight rope, always close to her, always commenting with her about the troops and developing strategies on how to get them in even better shape and give them more self-control. It was an endless job, but a job I was half-being forced to work, a job that I was half-not willing to walk away from.

I honestly believed with my entire being that Maria loved me. It made sense in my foolish and young mind that she loved me—I was always special to her. I always worked the hardest and she always rewarded the most, even when I didn't do anything special. Looking back, the constant supply of humans seemed to be more of a luxury that she gave me so I would want to stay with her. Yet again, Maria had some flawless talents at brainwashing, but I think you can easily see that.

Farther and farther I fell for Maria, and she in turn treated me in a different way. Her emotions never gave themselves to match what love really is, but I was used to believing every word that was spoken from lips. My mind had been molded by her to not only ask how high when she said jump, but then to jump higher than she wanted. There were only two priorities in my life right before the depression started to truly mess with my head—stay alive when it came to a fight and please Maria. Looking back, I sometimes think that the failing the latter would have killed me more swiftly than failing the former.

When Maria kissed me, I was completely ensnared by her and only her. She was everything to me. I did everything she asked. The depression was only prolonged for a few moments, much to Maria's dismay. My mind was able to keep my own mental masochism at bay for awhile until she then asked me to do the 'cleaning out' when it came to my own allies. Never before, human or vampire, had I been asked to betray the side that I believed in. In fact, it's the only time that I ever actually said yes to that offer. Maria warped my mind into a very dangerous place. As my savior once explained, she was everything that I hated about myself, yet everything I wanted to be at the same time, and she used that against me to not only bend myself to her will, but break my own inner strength at the same time so I had no way of being able to rebel. At that time.

The first soldier that I killed because Maria needed me to was a young man named Ivan Medina. He was around my age, give or take a year. He never gave away his age. When his death had been written off by Maria, he was only eight days past his one-year mark, but the cruel crimson in his irises were already started to fade into a deeper burgundy, like my own eyes. Ivan had been a fantastic fighter, but only in speed, not in strength. It was barely enough for Maria to keep him alive for as long as she did. His time was then up.

I had taken him out alone, saying that I was going to teach him how to build on his lack of strength by emphasizing his speed. Maria was trying some things out with the rest of the soldiers while I was gone.

Fifty-nine seconds. That's all it took. Fifty. Nine. _Seconds_. Ivan was in pieces and in flames in less than a _minute_.

There are only two other people that I know that know what it's like to actually feel someone die away. It's not as simple as sensing their soul leaving earthly boundaries—actually _feeling_ their death within yourself somehow. For myself…it's absolute _torture_ unlike anything I have ever felt. Not only is it hell to feel their emotions die away inside of myself, but to feel every single second that they feel in absolute terror…it's absolutely indescribable. It was the first time that I ever noticed the effect death and emotions really had on me. I had already acknowledged the fact that I could control feelings—but it was also the first time that I noticed that any of it could change my behavior towards things.

It got incredibly worse, incredibly quickly. Never once did my performance lack in Maria's eyes, but my reason for fighting changed. It was only to make sure I stayed alive in the battlefield and that I stayed alive according to Maria. It was hard, though. I was growing sick and weary of all the killing. Even the high of a fight didn't have the same effect on me as it did. Maria was noticing this, and I thought that she was tending to my 'wounds', but really she was trying to keep me straight in her hands. She didn't have to try hard… There's one moment, though, that I'll never be able to forgive her for. It's not the senseless killing or the world filled of vengeance that she threw me into, knowing it would be likely that I'd end up drowning like I was at that time.

Mid-June. 1865. I was almost two years old at that time, but nearly as skilled in battle and vampire strategy as Maria. She had taught me well, but still kept me wrapped around her finger just as she needed me. I had no desire to rebel against her because I believed what we had been love for each other and not love for bloodlust.

It was late at night. Most of the newborns were out scouting the area. I had gotten so good at being able to control their emotions that they could even be trusted to be left alone. Maria and I had been planning another attack on a neighboring enemy—she had heard through the grapevines that they was planning an assault on us and she wanted to make sure that she had the upper-hand before they even had a clue about our numbers. We were slowly growing closer to each other, or at least I thought we were, and she even let me hold her occasionally. This was one of those times.

She and I were talking, no maps, no pens—just our minds and each other.

"They'll be on the older side of the one-year mark," she added in. I nodded, softly stroking her arm as we discussed our options and weighed any risks.

"We will more than likely have numbers and skill on our side, however," I said, though my mind was more on her. Her raven hair was floating down around her shoulders and laying gently on my chest and arms, giving her the illusion of being innocent. She pulled herself closer to me, nuzzling her head to my chest. We ended even trying to talk about fighting—the air was filled with a different kind of charge.

"Jasper, do you trust me?" she whispered, her lips finding their way to my neck. I shivered underneath her gentleness.

"With my life," I vowed. She smiled then and leaned forward, kissing me full on the lips. Her taste was sweeter than one might think, but not nearly as pure and bright as the only other woman I've ever kissed.

There's only one other person on the face of the earth that has seen me so vulnerable like the way Maria did that night. There's a difference, though—with Maria, I only felt vulnerable. I felt like I was being judged like how I felt every single second I was around her. My mind's goal of always pleasing her was then testing me in all sorts of ways—with _her_ however…It's completely different. I feel bare with her, like my heart is there for her to completely crush, but instead she reinforces her strength that she's given me. She heals me—Maria crushed me.

When we were done and Maria walked away, I didn't feel happiness within her, or even pleasure.

Only victory.

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**I really do hate myself for doing that to Jasper. Really. I'm starting to hate Maria. Screw her-NO ONE GETS TO HURT MY JAZZ. **

**Anyways. Reviews, loves?**

**Oh: a certain, very important character gets his entrance next chapter...anyone have a guess?**


	16. Bloodthirsty, Conflicted Sanity

1877

_Jasper_

The night in June wasn't the only time that I was intimate with Maria, if could even call those nights that at all. She never took satisfaction from anything we did together that resembled love—just victory. I was another battle for her. She always won her fights. The more nights I spent with her, though, I noticed that I was killing myself even more. While I said goodbye to Jasper Whitlock long ago, I wasn't even a person anymore, but a soulless robot that had no true reason for living. There was a difference between motivation and reasons. I went through Maria's motions, my heart shattering the more and more I lied to myself and to her that I loved her. Some disconnected part of me was fully aware that she had me on a set of strings, controlling me to do whatever the damn hell she wanted.

Sanity came in a very strange, very wild package, though. Maria had brought in a fresh pack of newborns, five to be exact. Now that the war was over and so many men had been killed in not only the human wars, but our wars as well, she was forced to change women as well. She wasn't cruel enough at that point, though, to ask me to kill the women. Yet. She threw six of them at me (ironic considering how many I walked into on my first day as a vampire) and all of them were completely untamed. Three males, three females—not only would I have to deal with bloodlust, but sexual lust. Immediately, I started scaring them into intimidation, only half of myself actually trying to _seem_ frightening. It just seemed easier at the time to manipulate their emotions—later, I'd realize that it did me more harm than good.

Maria took half the group—two males and a female, while I took the other remaining half. Both the females killed each other within the first hour of their lives as vampires. The male, however, was shockingly easy to work with. He was still temperamental and snapped at me, but he was more willing to let me lead him, let me train him, and tell him the ways of the life he was now in. As I slowly started to teach him the basics, he was eager to learn, but when he realized he was supposed to actually incapacitate and kill, there was a strange reaction in him that I didn't know ever existed in newborns. Conflicted isn't quite right—it was almost as if he was arguing with himself about whether or not to run right then and there. I finally got him to work, though, with the prize of blood hanging over his head. It worked perfectly.

The new vampire and I were able to work together for a quite awhile, and we only had to stop once or twice to be able to feed him so I could keep him going. When I felt content (by 'content' I at least meant okay with how far I had gotten with him—nothing brought me pleasure at that time except Maria, and even that was fading) with my achievement with Peter, I sent him back with the rest of the group and found myself hoping that he'd life. He had potential, but in a different way then I know I did.

Maria and I kept a diligent vigil that night, so she wasn't able to torture me with her only half-present intimacies. It was always the first night of a newborn's life that was the hardest, the most brutal, and the most violent. The man with copper hair that had worked with me, though, did survive, against the odds. I was sure he was probably the only newborn to walk the face of the earth to be a pacifist, but he was willing to fight. When dawn rose and Maria and I had to hustle them all into the woods to protect them from daylight, the copper-haired man stuck by my side. I decided then that I'd take after him like Maria had taken interest in me.

"What's your name?"I barked, but the authority in my voice was only half there.

"Peter. Peter McLaughlin, sir," he answered coolly and calmly. This puzzled me slightly, because when I looked in his eyes, I could see his own insane bloodlust, but his emotions told me otherwise.

"Jasper." I didn't bother telling him my last name.

"If I asked you a question, Jasper, would you tell me the truth?" He blatantly asked me, which surprised me a lot. I blinked, but then sighed.

"Possibly. Depends on the question." I had to keep in mind that Maria was less than a hundred feet of away, despite the fact that there were ten newborns between the two of us.

"How likely is it that I'm going to die?" I sighed at Peter and thought for a moment about how I could answer without Maria snapping at me.

"Likely if you're stupid enough to let yourself get killed," I replied emotionlessly. Peter nodded.

"Okay. Then it seems like I'll be staying around."

It's easy to say I liked Peter from the start.

* * *

**No, I'm not getting incredibly drained. Ish. I didn't want to make a big, huge elaborate thing out of Jasper first meeting Peter.**

**And, YES, I messed with Peter and the newborn year thing. Deal with it. x D It's called 'creative licence'. That and it didn't make sense for me (at all) for Peter to be a typical newborn.**

**Reviews, my loves?**

**I don't know if I'll get chapter 17 out tonight or not...that's a little bit more unlikely than it is likely.**


	17. A Momentary Pause

1878

_Peter_

Apparently, I was quite bright according to Jasper's words to me on my second day as a vampire. Unfortunately for me, however, it meant that I was always put on the frontlines to fight for Maria. This, in turn, meant more violence that I had to face. Vicious cycle, huh? It really was a lose-lose situation for any of Maria's soldiers—if you didn't well or chose not to fight at all, you were killed. If you fought well, you risked your life dozens of times over the others.

Jasper and I were living, breathing examples of that. While I wasn't nearly as good as Jasper, I still won every fight I was put in. It was the same for Jasper, obviously, seeing as he was the one that taught me, which brings me to another odd cycle—Maria was Jasper's mentor (and lover, lover), while Jasper was my mentor, but Maria always found a way to be present in everything that Jasper and I did. She was like a battery for him—and I didn't like it.

I never liked fighting—not as a human and especially not as a vampire. Unfortunately, though, I was quick as a human, so that meant that I was as fast as lightning as a vampire, plus it was really easy for me to learn. While I hated what I was being forced to do for Maria, I was good at it. I had a knack for doing what I was told and doing it right, much to my dismay…which brings me right back to Jasper. 'Dismay' was an understatement to the things I could see in his face and read in his eyes. He was being affected and affected deeply by the wars. Maria, unsurprisingly, did nothing to try and help Jasper besides kiss him here and there, let him wrap his arms around her…she sickened me twice as much as the fighting. I knew what Maria was doing exactly, but I wasn't her target. It was Jasper.

Late one night very close to my one-year-mark of a vampire, Jasper and I were alone, watching the 'soldiers'. The both of us were silent, except for Jasper occasionally having to order for peace if two vampires got too riled with the other, but it wasn't that hard for either of us, seeing as Jasper was keeping them all calm—even if I knew he was very different.

"Where were you born?" I asked, and Jasper looked at me strangely for a second, before turning back to the vampires. He said nothing for a minute or two and just stared at the newborns. I had simply asked because I was hoping I could find out more about Jasper, but I was afraid I then stepped over a line.

"Houston," he said after almost ten minutes of silence. Still, he didn't look at me.

"Dallas," I replied. It only seemed fair. Jasper's eyes stayed to the ground.

"I wasn't part of a big family—I was actually my mother's only child and neither of them had brothers or sisters. What about you?" Jasper only waited two minutes that time.

"I had a younger sister and an older aunt on my mother's side. My grandparents died when I was too young to remember them."

"Your parents?"

"_Parent," _he clarified. "I had a biological mother and father who both lived in the house I did, but only my mother was a real parent," Jasper said gravely, clearly disturbed by something about his parents. I assumed the worst and Jasper chuckled sadly under his breath when he read what I was feeling.

"No, not like that. He was just…" He sighed and shook his head. "My sister lost her sight when she was ten. He treated her like she was a second-class citizen because of it." Jasper's jaw locked as his eyes became fierce. Even if our memories weren't clear, we still felt the after-effects of them. Jasper was clearly suffering because of that.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and Jasper shrugged as his face cleared of some of the pain.

"I like to believe I'm over it now, but I'm not, though Catherine, my sister, was very good at pushing through things." I nodded in reply.

"She sounds sweet."

"She was…is…" Jasper sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. "She's the only thing I wish I could have said goodbye to." I knew what he meant. I would have done anything to say goodbye to my mother, if I had been able to, but I was sure she was dead by then. She had been older than most mothers with sons my age, and she never did well with grief.

We stayed silent like that for awhile as the minutes ticked by into hours. Apparently Maria had to really venture out to find any new soldiers that she actually _liked. _I knew why she was scouting, though—she was going to get rid of anyone that was past their one-year mark. Death almost seemed welcome, in some strange way of sorts, compared to the hell that I was being put through. Even if I was going to go to hell, it couldn't have been worse than the place I was in right there.

"Why are you asking me any of this? What good is going to do you or me?" Jasper finally broke after almost three hours of quiet. He was clearly confused and conflicted. I licked my lips and sighed.

"I don't know. I like you, Jasper. You seem to be the only one here that actually gives a damn about anything, like me—you could call it allying myself, if I were to talk in strategic terms," I half-lied. What I wanted was a friend, not an 'ally'.

"No, you want a friend," he corrected me. I knew my emotions were going to give me away. Slowly, I nodded. Jasper didn't really like what I was saying. At all.

"Do you not get how dangerous that is?" he snapped, but I knew he needed a friend just as much as I did. "Peter, you're going to die here, no matter what. Whether it be in a fight, or because…Maria…kills you because you're too old—considering your age, it's probably going to be the latter rather than the former."

"I know that," I said calmly. That threw Jasper for a loop. He paused, looking at me like I had said fish could do the can-can and breathe without water.

"What's worse is that I'm going to have to-"

"Do it," I finished for him. He sighed and his head hung lowly.

"I appreciate the offer, though," he muttered. I sighed and rested my hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him somehow.

"I know you do," I replied softly. We stayed like that for awhile, until Maria returned. The look in her eyes said that she wanted to get on with the killing right then and there, but she then asked something peculiarly right then.

"Peter, come here," she called, and I hesitantly got up. As I walked away, I sent a last look at my mentor, who returned the glance. He nodded at me, and I returned the gesture before returning back to Maria.

"I need someone to watch the fighters," she said bluntly as we got out of hearing-distance of the others. I looked at her, confused.

"I thought that was Jasper's job." She rolled her eyes at me and I resisted the urge to try and kill her right then.

"No, his job is to train them to _fight_," she snapped at me again. "I need you to then watch them when _I_ need Jasper to myself." I quirked an eyebrow at her.

"This would mean that you'd need me alive, correct?"

"Obviously," she said flatly, clearly not entertained. I smiled. It wasn't a job I wanted, but it was a job I'd take.

"Then I'll take the job." It wasn't like I could say no, either. I also figured that Jasper would like having a…friend.

"Perfect. Now go back to the others. Send Jasper to me in a few minutes." I nodded at her orders and returned to run back to Jasper. His shock nearly suffocated _me_ and I didn't have his gift. Smiling as neutrally as possible, I sat down next to him on the ground.

"You're alive," he said in disbelief and I nodded. We stayed silent again for a few minutes.

"Maria wants to see you," I said nonchalantly, not wanting him to really go, either. Jasper nodded and stood. When he was a few yards from me, he turned back, smiling slightly.

"Peter?" I looked back at him.

"I'll take your offer." I smiled at Jasper.

"Good, my friend." Jasper said nothing in reply, but his face was just barely clear for a split second of the dreary haze he always wore. I knew it would be ten times stronger in the morning when he returned from being with Maria, but I felt accomplished in helping him, even if it was only for a few moments.

* * *

**Peter kind of rocks. This was my first time ever writing as him, and I'm content with how he turned out.**

**Reviews, my loves?**


	18. Risky Decisions

1880

_Charlotte_

He promised that he'd do his best to keep me alive. I did not know Peter would be able to do it, but I trusted him to be able to get us both out alive. Somehow, against the odds, Peter was able to live for three years in Maria's puppet show, and Jasper had been living for seventeen years. Still…I was terrified. I did not want to die when I was so young and so in love. It wasn't fair in any sense. Peter had to be able to find a way. He had to.

I hadn't planned on falling for him and his soft, copper hair. Actually, I was mostly planning on letting myself get killed until Peter started taking an interest in me. It wasn't the false, domineering fascination that Maria had for poor, lonely Jasper, or the way that Jasper and Peter had learned to trust the other as friends. Peter was very civilized for the rest of the vampires that I was forced to stay with, very…kind. He was different in many ways, not counting the slight bias that I know I have because of my feelings for him. Peter was simply special to me.

It wasn't easy, falling for him, when I barely had time to even be alone with him. Maria made everything more difficult as well, seeing as she seemed to want me to die as well to keep Peter's mind off of 'distractions'. Jasper barely noticed a thing between us, but probably because his mind was swarmed with so much vengeance and violence that I doubted he had any time to acknowledge any other type of emotion. Still…Peter and I attempted at flirting, attempted at catching each other during moments where we'd have time to be with the other, but the newborns would call him away at the worst time.

Nine months of our strange touch-and-go game until he finally kissed me. It was sweet and innocent, unlike anything that I had ever felt before as a vampire, or even as a human. He held me close and wouldn't let me go. We were both too afraid of letting anything to Jasper or Maria slip—they were direct lines to the other, and neither of us wanted Jasper to be the one to carry out our death sentences. Peter couldn't see Jasper take that and I couldn't watch Peter hurt like that if his friend was to be in pain.

The day the both that we were most afraid of came all too quickly for either of us—Maria wanted to clean out any of the vampires that were over a year old. Peter's 'job' kept him alive, but to his horror, he had to also help Jasper in the killing.

I waited with the rest of the group, trying to stay as calm as possible. Distantly, I could hear the tearing of metal and fire starting over and over again. There were words being exchanged, but all I could hear was Jasper's bass voice and Peter's tenor fighting with each other. I assumed that Peter was trying to just bargain a few, but Jasper was so caught up in Maria that he'd never disobey an order by her. There was also the whole thing about the fact that she'd kill him in a millisecond if he ever failed her. Jasper dying was just a high of a risk as Peter and I getting killed if anything went wrong. Even if I had no soul, I prayed throughout the entire night that the three of us would somehow make it out of this to see a brighter life.

"Charlotte!" Jasper yelled for me and my dead heart seized in fear. I bit my lip, trying to find any ounce of bravery within myself to stand and face what I knew to be my death. Slowly, I stood and walked closer and closer to Jasper and Peter. While I was able to walk into my death, I wasn't able to do it with my head held high—I cowered like a small child, my curls quivering as the both of them came into view for me.

There was a split second of pause when Peter's face was eaten away by total despair and Jasper just turned to stare at him. My gaze went from the blonde to my love within a second before Peter took action.

"Charlotte, run!" he screamed at me, and I did just that. I turned in the opposite direction, unable to look back at Jasper and Peter until I could hear Peter sprinting behind me. We kept running and running and running, but there were only ever two pairs of footsteps, never three. It was just Peter and I.

We ran until the air turned from warm to chill and the moon lit the earth. We found a stopping place, somewhere in the mountains, where everything was soft and white. I sighed and sat down in the snow, but Peter stayed standing. I looked at him, worried, scared for him.

"Peter?" I asked, gentle, as I looked up at him, trying to figure out why he was so distraught.

"What have I done?" his voice cracked as his legs collapsed and he fell into the snow perfectly, our skin warming against the fluffy whiteness.

"What do you mean?" I felt ignorant, not being able to place exactly why Peter was acting this way, but I had to ask.

"Jasper. He's going to get killed. I sentenced him to his death." I shook my head at him and took his hand. Peter laced our fingers together.

"Maria couldn't kill him. He's too important to her." I said gently as I pulled myself closer to Peter. He shook his head.

"Not if he betrays her like that. I just…why did he let us go?" Peter finally looked over at me, and right when he needed me, I couldn't find a single thing to say. Sighing, I wrapped my arms around him. After a few seconds, Peter returned the gesture and rested his head on mine.

"He's your friend, Peter. He would have rather seen you go than see you die." I hoped I was doing any good at all to help him, though I doubt I really was. Peter sighed and kissed my head.

"I hope he at least stays alive. I couldn't live with myself if he gets killed because of this." He sighed again and ran his fingers through my hair.

"I love you," Peter whispered softly in the midnight air.

"I love you too, Peter. Everything will be okay—don't worry. Jasper will survive," I reassured him, hoping that my words weren't going to end up in being lies.

"I hope so. For both of our sakes."

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**I liked this chapter best from Charlotte's POV, especially since the interaction between Jasper and Peter would have been pretty much straight forward.**

**Ten chapters in four days. x D I'm starting to wonder if I'm insane yet or not.**

**Reviews, please?**


	19. Needing Rehabilitation

1880

_Jasper _

That had been love. The surge of joy and the willingness to protect that had filled every ounce of Peter had been love when Charlotte had come into view. She had been terrified, but Peter's love for her is what made me pause. It was what made me hesitate when Peter and Charlotte darted off and also what let me let them go. I didn't want to have to kill either of them—Peter was my friend and Charlotte had done nothing to deserve death to me. They were innocent lives that did not deserve death, especially if I were to give it to them. I knew Maria would be infuriated with me, but I didn't care as I watched the two of them run off, their emotions fading off until I couldn't sense them anymore. When they finally disappeared from sight, though, I begrudgingly went back to work, earning myself at least twenty new scars. I was too distracted by Peter and Charlotte's leave to be able to focus, though they were still no match for me and my powers.

Scared of what Maria would say to me, I went back to her. We had no pawns at the time—she was unable to 'keep' any of her recruits the night before. It took her milliseconds to notice that Peter was gone.

"Where is Peter?" From her emotions, I knew that she thought that he had fought back and that I had killed him. Already, Maria was irritated with me.

"He…" There was no use in lying to her. She would have been able to follow their trail. "He ran off. With Charlotte." There was a split-second of silence before her fury drowned my mind.

"And you killed them?" She knew I didn't, but I also knew she was also in so much disbelief that she had to check.

"No," I said solemnly, ready for her to tell me how useless I was and how unworthy was. Instead, she lunged for my throat.

In all my years as a vampire, I have fought many battles and _every_one was an easy fight, except when Maria attacked me. Seeing as she was my teacher, she and I knew every single move in each other's artillery. She and I were lethally quick, fatally strong, and deadly good at what we did. Besides the scar from the change, she is responsible for six different scars. Two on my neck, one on my left arm, one on my right, one on my right hand, and two on my left shoulder. She didn't walk away from the fight unscathed, however. I gave Maria nine bites, but she still made it hard for me to stay alive.

The hardest part of focusing in on the fight was not that I had loved Maria at that time, but that her emotions revealed every lie she had ever told me. She was turning into the monster that she was in battle, with one goal and one goal alone—kill me. Her rage was blinding her slightly, though, and it gave me just enough to be able to bargain for my life.

"You can't kill me, Maria," I said just as I unhooked her jaws from my shoulder, cracking the skin and bones in her face.

"Oh, I'd love to hear your reasoning on how I can't kill you, Jasper," she snapped at me viciously as she then went for my arm.

"You would suffer a loss that you know you want be able to recover from." Maria was able to bite a chunk out off of me, but I then pushed her away and had her flying yards away from me.

"I can find a replacement," she growled, running back over to me, her hands outstretched to grab me, but I ducked her blow and bit down on her arm just as she passed me. Maria dug her nails into my scalp and tore me off of her.

"Not with my talents and skill. It'll take you too long to create another vampire that's as good as I am. No one else would also be able to control the newborns like I can," I rushed out, trying to sound convincing as I kept defending myself and attacking Maria as she did the same. We were locked in a dance of death, the both of us too skilled that our power was overwhelming the other, I could tell. If one of us made even the slightest misstep or the smallest wrong move, we'd be finished.

She growled at me, clearly furious, but at least I knew I was getting somewhere.

"Face it, Maria—you can't afford to have me dead!" We both stopped. She glared at me for awhile and I only prayed that I'd be able to live, though I realized that it was going to take a lot for her to trust me again.

"Mess up like you did today again, and I _will_ kill you next time," she hissed before running away, probably to find some more soldiers. I watched her fade away in the distance as the 'adrenaline' stopped coursing through me and the pain of Maria and her lack of love for me finally hit me square in the chest. Mindlessly, I found the chunk of arm she had taken from me and placed it against my arm, wincing as it fused itself back together. Her venom was still lingering in the scars, but I wasn't even really paying attention to that.

I was truly defeated then. After that moment, I would only be kicked while I was down until 1948, but that was the true end of Jasper Whitlock. I became dead inside in that moment when I realized how I had been played and how badly I wished that I had ran with Peter and Charlotte. Maria had not only stabbed me, but twisted the knife in my heart. If it was able to beat, I was sure that I would have truly died right then and there. There is no doubt in my mind that Maria tricking me into loving her was the thing that finally broke my back and now makes me incapable of truly healing, truly become the old Jasper I was before three 'angels' had distracted me on a lonely night in 1863.

Darkness engulfed me as I collapsed on the ground and tearless sobs racked my chest. _Goodbye, life, _I thought to myself as I wondered if I'd ever really walk again. Rehabilitation was over nearly a century away, though, just out of my reach, just like happiness was.

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**Meheheheheheh. Poor Jazz. D: This would be when everyone starts hoping for Alice like I have been since chapter thirteen.x D**

**Reviews, my loves?**

**Oh: Hold It Against Me by Britney Spears strangely got my really inspired for this chapter. o.O**


	20. Being Liberated From an Unfair Prison

1885

_Jasper_

She was going to try and kill me again. I was positive of it. My mind was failing me—I was losing every last scrap of sanity in my mind the longer I stayed with Maria, but I had no clue how to leave her and where to go. My heart was still shattered from the final blow she had sent me a half a decade before and it had no intention of healing, it seemed. It was pointless to even try and heal myself when I was still surrounded with nothing but hate, cruelty, and destruction. Truthfully, everything was pointless. Why had I been trying to keep myself alive, anyways? Looking back, I'm thankful I did, but I never can get why I let myself go through everything that Maria put me through.

That wasn't the point, though. Maria was well aware that I was depressed and losing a will for everything. She was becoming almost skittish around me like she was waiting for me to attack her. The same signs that Nettie and Lucy had given right before they rebelled were all showing themselves again in Maria's behavior. I didn't want to have to kill her—I had been with her for over twenty years. Despite the fact that I loathed her with every particle in my being, it would be hard to kill her…then.

She left me alone one day to go and try to find some more victims for her army. I was so distracted within my own mind that it was hard for me to get a grip on focusing to keep the newborns in check, so the casualty number between them was going up. Maria was becoming more and more irritated with me every day to the point that we barely were near each other, yet I still didn't leave. The tension between us was getting to a point that it was almost safer to keep only four or five newborns around us.

Sighing, I shook my head as I walked by a river, wishing I could drown myself. I hated myself. I was a sick, volatile monster that did nothing but kill people, or train others to kill. How in the world could I be worth anything now? I didn't even know the body count that I had created over the years that I spent with Maria. Even that was too high to torture myself with, yet I knew every scar on my body, the date it was put there, the person that caused it, and whether or not they were an enemy. I absentmindedly wrung my hands then, but only to remind myself that I was disgusting as I felt the raised edges of my victims along my skin.

I was distracted, then, by a rustling in the trees. Immediately, I slipped into an offensive crouch, ready to attack who ever the person was. If it was a human…they were soon going to be dead, I knew that. I was too used to instant gratification to let it go by if it was a human indeed. But, there was no heartbeat and I actually recognized the scent. That took me off guard—anyone I had known would have made themselves present instead of trying to hide their whereabouts. Keyword: try. My eyes scanned along and through the trees as I tried to see who this intruder was. The only thing I caught was a flash of…copper.

"Peter?" It couldn't be him…he had ran five years ago and was quite intelligent—only a fool would have waltzed back into Maria's territory when she had a target on your head.

"Jasper!" He came into view and waves of relief hit me like a tsunami. Peter's smile was bright and he was so…happy…I felt bad that I didn't smile back at him.

"Peter…" I blinked in disbelief and wondered if my mind was playing some sort of cruel trick on me. "Why are you here?"

"Originally, it was to make sure you were alive. I was sure that Maria would have killed you for letting Charlotte and I go freely, but you're alive—now I want to offer something to you for a second time." Peter was now just on the other side of the river, his emotions cooling down from joy to something that I would have associated with begging.

"It's not safe for you here. Maria…she'll kill you if she catches you." I was purposely dodging what he was saying. There was no possible way that he could still want to be my friend after five years apart when I had turned into a completely different person, practically.

"Yes, but she's also nearly four hundred miles away from where we are now. I did some scouting," he winked playfully. He _was_ known for his ability to think things through. But, Peter's face turned solemn then and I stepped back slightly.

"Jasper, I want you to come with me." I looked at him strangely.

"Where?" Where else could I go where I didn't leave a path of death in my wake?

"North Dakota. It's where Charlotte and I are currently residing." So he was still with Charlotte. This made me glad that they had stayed together—those emotions that Peter had felt when he had seen her still left a lasting impression on me.

"You can't stay here any longer, Jasper. Do not try and lie to me, either. You know there is no longer a life worth living here for you anymore—there never was a life here for you. The both of us, and Charlotte, never were truly meant to live the lives that Maria cut out for us like the sick puppeteer she is. I know you believe you love her, Jasper, but-"

"I don't. I know she was manipulating me the entire time," I whispered, my heart clenching in my chest as well. My eyes drifted down to the ground then and Peter blinked at me. Silence rang in the air between us for a few moments before Peter spoke up again.

"Jasper…I'm sorry."

"She tried to kill me. When you left, she tried to kill me. You could say that's how I found out." Peter and I both sighed simultaneously as guilt crept in through his mind. I waved my hand then, almost as if I was trying to brush away what he was feeling.

"Don't be guilty, Peter. It's not your fault. I was bound to find out sooner or later," I tried to be at least slightly cheerful, but it was pointless. Peter's head hung low for a few moments before he then looked back up at me.

"There aren't any wars in the north, Jasper," Peter said quietly. "No newborns fighting other vampires' wars. Vampires can live peacefully and even walk along the streets during the day. Charlotte and I have created many friends—notice that I say 'friends' and not 'allies'—and we're honestly happy and content, Jasper. You deserve that as well." I blinked, looking at him, trying to see if he was lying to me, but all I felt was sincerity.

"None of that?" I asked innocently, doubtful that I could trust myself to run with Peter, but if I were to be truthful…I was already amidst snow and cold weather in my head.

"Not a speck. Life is peaceful, Jasper. Think of it as a retirement of sorts." We both laughed at that, but my chuckle was only half there. I wanted to see this life, to live it, to say goodbye…

"You'll never have to be near another Maria again," Peter said quietly. Why couldn't he have said that first?

"I'll follow you." Peter paused for a second before smiling again at me, another huge break of relief emanating from him.

"Good. Come on now. North is this way," he stepped aside to let me leap across the river, where we then started running off.

It was the first time that I felt that I could possibly have a break in the endless viciousness that I was forced to live in. As the weather got colder and the sky grew more and more overcast, it was almost like I was being released by a set of chains. I was being liberated from Maria's prison. Now while I had no clue that I would still stay that depressed for another sixty years, I at least thought that Maria would never see me again. I would have the chance to love someone, even if I didn't deserve it, and I'd have a chance at a life that wasn't filled with battles and wars.

About an hour later, Peter came to a stop in a cold and a snowy forest. Charlotte then appeared, smiling with her arms outstretched. She and I embraced before she then took Peter's hand. Their love felt exactly the same as it did five years ago when I had realized the true depth of their relationship.

"It's nice to see you, Jasper," Charlotte said, still glad, though I could tell her joy was more directed for Peter's sake and not my own. I wasn't offended at all.

"It's been too long," I replied to her, half smiling just out of the habit to be polite.

"Well. Jasper, welcome to your new life," Peter congratulated me as he clasped me on the shoulder and I bowed me head, still feeling like the world was being lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe. It wasn't easy, but at least I wasn't suffocating anymore.

"Thank you for coming back for me, Peter. I can't possibly repay you." Both Charlotte and Peter shook their heads in reply.

"It's you we can't repay, Jasper," Charlotte corrected warmly. I looked at her, confused, before returning my gaze back to my old friend as he removed his hand off my shoulder.

"You saved our lives, whether or not you like to believe it. The both of us seriously thought we were going to get killed when we ran away, but you didn't pursue us. I can't imagine how hard that must have been—you knowing that Maria would have been mad at you." I held back a wince at the memory of Maria's retaliation, but shrugged at Peter.

"Let's just all be glad we'll never have to see her face again." Charlotte and Peter both smiled and nodded at me.

"Yes," Charlotte said she looked up at Peter lovingly and my old friend kissed her forehead and then looked back at me.

"You'll be fine, Jasper. Do not worry." It was easy for Peter to read the still-present depression in my eyes. I sighed and nodded in half-agreement. Yes, Peter was right, it would just take a while for her to show up to ensure Peter's vow.

* * *

**Sorry if this is a little rough, guys-I'm slightly tired and I kind of rushed the ending, but I had already started the chapter and wanted to finish it tonight. Time just got away from me.**

**So. Jasper hath been retrieveth! Yay! -claps- Go Peter!**

**Reviews, my darlings?**


	21. Disappointing Equations

1886

_Peter_

My idea to have Jasper stay with Charlotte and I seemed to do more harm than good compared to if Jasper had gone off on his own. There were a few weeks where Jasper's obvious depression seemed to flatten out, neither increasing nor decreasing, but then he started declining again. It was obvious that he was frustrated as to why he still felt so lost, and I felt nearly useless because anything I tried to help him feel better was all in vain. Jasper just seemed to be on his own island, unable to be reached, stuck in the uncharted waters of his own mind.

Charlotte was starting to get frustrated, for lack of a better word, about my own distress over Jasper. While she wasn't really a friend to him, she didn't dislike Jasper and felt in debt to him because of the risk he took when he let us go freely. Her main source of her emotions, though, correlated with mine—which was simply worry over my friend and comrade. He seemed to be exponentially deteriorating over the months that he was living with us. Part of me, I knew, just had a slightly bruised pride because I thought I was going to somehow save Jasper from himself and the pain that Maria had caused him, but then I came to realize things were far past Maria.

There were two things that seemed to always be difficult for Jasper to become accustomed to—not being immediately rewarded with blood like Maria had done so, and adapting to the fact that every vampire in the world did not want to kill him. While Maria had given these traits to Jasper, something was nagging at me. Jasper and I were a lot alike and I was able to shed everything she had made me bear. Charlotte had adjusted twice as easily as I had, as well, and she was just as sensitive as Jasper. Despite what the facts were telling me, though, Jasper just couldn't move on.

I badly wanted to help him. He was my friend and had saved not only myself, but the woman that I loved, from an excruciating death. In some sort of way of his, Jasper lessened the tension just slightly for me, and inadvertently Charlotte, too, with Maria and I was determined to help him in his time of need.

We were in a forest much like the one where Jasper and I had first talked to each other on a level different than being fellow soldiers. Charlotte was finishing up hunting, and Jasper and I were waiting for her before the three of us would maybe find somewhere else to go. Jasper had been the first to finish hunting and he had been sitting by a tree, staring at the ground when I had found him soon after I was done. He was clearly tense and I almost didn't approach him.

"You can come near me," he said meekly. I sighed and walked forward a few steps before sitting down on the grass a couple feet away from Jasper.

"It's not as bad as you think," he mumbled and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, it is, Jasper." Briefly he looked up at me before looking back down.

"I'm sorry I'm worrying you and Charlotte. Perhaps I should just leave and—"

"No, Jasper. You aren't leaving. I'm your friend, for God's sake," I sighed, half-pleading with him. Silence quietly ate at the air as Jasper kept his gaze on the ground.

"I'm a bother."

"No, you're hurting." He looked at me for a moment. "It's all too easy. You aren't fooling anyone, Jasper. Especially not Charlotte or I. Maybe a random nomad can lead themselves to believing that you're just a battered war veteran, but you can't deceive Charlotte or me like that." Slowly, Jasper's deep vermillion eyes returned to the ground.

"It's worth trying, sometimes. It worked with Maria," he muttered.

"Maria was cold and heartless. She's in a completely different league, Jasper. You can't compare how you're supposed to act with us to how you were supposed to act with someone as manipulative as her, despite the fact that you may have loved her." Jasper's eyes shut tightly and his breathing stopped for a moment. I waited for him to react—I couldn't push him.

"It's—It's—Peter, I can't explain half of what I feel more than half the time!" Jasper was clearly defeated by his own mind. His head hung low and his shoulders were slumped—he looked like one of Maria's victims. Yet again, he probably took the brunt of Maria. Definitely more than anyone else.

"I know, Jasper—" I tried to comfort him, but Jasper then snapped at me.

"No, you don't know, Peter! I don't know anything about myself. You…you and Charlotte…everything is so easy for you while I have to stay behind like a weak link. The both of you are so _happy_ while I'm wallowing in emotions that aren't even mine!" Jasper 'collapsed' then, looking weaker than I ever had seen him. He really was being eaten alive by his gift. I blinked then and inched forward carefully.

"Jasper…is there any possible way that your—your—_talent _ could be the cause to all of this?" I asked gently, trying to sound and feel as neutral as possible. Jasper's head turned up to look at me, his crimson eyes confused.

"You said to me that you had to feel every emotion of your enemy—that it killed you." He nodded.

"Jasper, you're always worse off right after we hunt." He nodded again at me, but his eyes still showed he wasn't following me—or didn't want to go down the same path I was heading. I wasn't sure of which one it was.

"The people that we…we feed off of. There's no doubt that they're afraid of us." Jasper held back a wince, but nodded anyways. "You and I remember what it was like when Maria first approached us and we realized that she wasn't the damsel in distress we thought she was. We were terrified. Maybe…maybe those emotions the humans feel when you're hunting is what's causing all of your inner turmoil." Jasper looked at me for a moment, clearly awestruck, though he knew that I was right.

"You're saying that…the people…that we kill…that they're the reason I'm like this?" Jasper asked, clearly exasperated, clearly…broken. I nodded at him and said nothing.

"Then where does that leave me, Peter? Vampires _have_ to have blood to live. I can't just not feed, Peter." I sighed and raised my hands up in surrender as Jasper looked at me like he was a small child and I was his father and told him that his dog had died.

"I'm…sorry…Jasper." My friend just shook his head at me and pointed east. Charlotte. I could hear her running back to us. Momentarily, I turned to see if I could see Charlotte yet, and when I turned back to Jasper, he was getting up and walking off.

"Jasp-"

"I need to breathe. I'll be back later. Don't follow me," he said with a detached tone. I watched him walk away, feeling helpless, until Charlotte came back. She smiled down at me, clearly in a pleasant mood. But, when she saw the look in my eyes, she frowned and kneeled down beside me as I snaked an arm around her waist.

"Peter, darling…what is it?" She brushed a piece of hair away from my eyes and I shook my head and leaned into her touch.

"Jasper. He's so depressed because everything that his victims feel…he feels. It's eating away at him." Charlotte blinked and turned herself slightly so she was sitting in my lap. I looked down at her and faintly smiled. She rewarded me with a light kiss.

"He'll be okay eventually, Peter. He'll find someone that will make him happy and he'll be okay." I nodded and kissed her forehead, my fingers running through her hair.

"I hope so, Charlotte. He deserves it. He needs it—or I don't know how he can possibly ever be happy."

* * *

**I owe some apologies-one for not getting this out before now. I've been so incredibly busy, guys, but I haven't forgotten about you, don't worry.**

**Two: The roughness of this chapter. Really. My grammar/spell-check turned off. Then my computer was threatening to crash. So, I'm now rushing to get this on so I don't lose it. I'm sorry-I'll edit it and reupload it when I get a free chance.**

**Anyways. Reviews, darlings?**


	22. Bright Red

_1890_

_Charlotte_

To say I was fed up was an understatement. I was angered, hurt, betrayed, and overall…disappointed. Of course, I cared about Jasper. I wasn't nearly as close with him as I was with Peter or the two of them were, but I cared about him. He saved my life and put his own on the line. Even if it was probably more for Peter than for me, I'll always be in debt to Jasper because of that day. Jasper, though…I was done with always having to _deal_ with him.

Sighing, I looked over at Jasper staring aimlessly at the fire that Peter had created before he had run off to go and scout the area. It was only a small gift to Jasper—Peter had figured out the cause to Jasper's depression and now wanted to make sure that Jasper didn't have to be near humans unless he absolutely had to. It was slightly annoying and didn't even make a difference, but Peter was just trying so hard to make Jasper feel at least slightly better.

But, Jasper was Jasper. He was depressed and he hated himself. I didn't see how he could, but he was just so stubborn and masochistic that he was a completely different person than he was five years ago. The worst part was that he was sinking even further. Having to watch both Jasper do that to himself and then Peter unknowingly sink with his friend as well…I was fed up.

"You could try harder, you know," I snapped, not even realizing I had spoken before Jasper flicked a pebble away and sighed.

"I know you're mad at me," he muttered. I scoffed and crossed my arms.

"More like disappointed—Jasper, you're killing yourself _and_ Peter. It's ridiculous." Surprisingly, even though I was being incredibly rude and selfish, Jasper then laughed. I cocked an eyebrow.

"Do you think I don't know that?" Jasper looked up at me and I looked away for a second from the expression in his eyes. The amount of incredulity—I felt stupid suddenly.

"For one thing, Charlotte, you know that I feel _everything_ around me…including your shame now. My talent is a given, though. Peter is my friend and the only friend I've had in a very, very, _very_ long time—I know that I'm hurting him. It's _killing_ me, Charlotte. Really. I hate myself…but you already know that." Jasper leaned back and sighed, running a hand through his hair. I bit my lip and opened my mouth to speak, but when no words came, I closed it again before I found myself to be an idiot again.

"I'd rather leave than watching myself fall short again and again, but…I don't know, Charlotte."

"Just…if you cared so much, why do you keep hurting him? We both love him, obviously. Is he not good enough, Jasper?" I tried not to sound angry, but I knew I did. Peter was everything to me and to think that maybe my Peter wasn't good enough for Jasper...I wanted to scream. Silence fell between Jasper and I as his head hung low.

"Apparently, Charlotte," he said quietly. In all of my life, I've seen Jasper in very many settings and throughout very many years. Never before have I ever seen him more vulnerable. I had originally thought I was going to defend the man I loved, but when I looked at Jasper in that second, I knew that was going to get me nowhere very quickly. Maria had always reacted with anger…Jasper would have just seized up and gotten even more scared.

"You are _so_ lucky, Charlotte. You have something to live for, something to _fight_ for in Peter. Even before you fell in love with him, you were lucky. You were always crafted as a pawn and even if your fate back in Maria's clutches ended in death, you had so much more freedom that I did. Charlotte, you were allowed to grow into this life. Because of the fact that you were unnoticed, you had the ability to sneak through the darkness and become your own person.

"I never had that. We all were changed because _she_ saw something in us, but I was different. The second that Maria had heard my horse running through that empty space, I was dead. Not only was I her soldier, but I was her puppet and the boy that she could easily play with and mold into the machine she wanted. I was her canvas and she painted me with the blood of our victims.

"Charlotte, I'm most likely never going to recover from what she did to me and everything she forced me to go through. I'm always going to be carrying her burden, but I'm always going to have to relive some fraction of that life because I can always _feel_ those emotions. Happiness isn't going to reach me because she'll always be there. Maria will always find a way, no matter if she's a pile of ashes or if she's still scarring innocent lives for the rest of eternity…or just for a year." The fire crackled for awhile between us and I did nothing but stare at Jasper. If I could have, I probably would have cried right then.

"I saved you because of the feelings I felt between the two of you. Not because of my friendship with Peter or to get you both out of Maria's way…but because I was enchanted by the emotions that were emanating from the two of you. I was in awe. That's why I saved the both of you," he whispered and looked back up at me.

"It'll never happen…but I guess I just wished that maybe I'd be able to feel that for myself." Jasper's head hung again as he turned away just barely from me. I was speechless. I knew Jasper had hated himself, but to catch even this small of a glimpse at the depth of his depression…I was speechless.

"So, yes, Charlotte. Peter isn't good enough. Only because no one ever will be. I'm a monster. A senseless killing machine. The only thing I know how to do is to kill and then teach others to do the same. I don't nurture. I don't trust. I maim and injure and cause pain. That's all I ever will do." Jasper's voice cracked and I winced for him.

Slowly, I inched closer to Jasper until we were sitting next to each other. Carefully, I reached over and grabbed his hand.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I'm sorry," I inaudibly whispered and Jasper shook his head before slipping his hand from mine.

"Don't. I'm not worth it." He shook his head and stood. I knew he was going to try and get away from me, but I wasn't done.

"Did you ever love before?" I called. Jasper stopped walking and turned around. I stood up myself to look at him in the eye as best as I could.

"As a human. Did you ever love before?" Jasper shook his head.

"Not in the way that you're inferring. The only women I ever loved were my sister and mother."

"But you wanted to. You wanted to find a wife, didn't you?" A pause. Jasper nodded again at me. I stepped forward.

"What did you want?" I called again, taking half a step forward. Jasper didn't answer me for awhile, but then sighed and looked off past me.

"I didn't much care about appearance. I was too used to women of every sort throwing themselves at me, so I was more or less desensitized to favoring black hair or blonde hair." I nodded.

"My wishes were simple—a woman who was everything." I laughed and Jasper cracked a polite smile, though the gesture didn't reach his eyes.

"That doesn't sound too simple, Jasper," I lightly teased. Jasper shook his head.

"It is, when you think about it. I wanted her…I wanted her to be strong. Too many women in Houston were okay with getting walked over, like my mother, unlike my sister. I wanted her to be perfectly fine with saying no to me, yet I wanted her to want to say yes, though. She…she would try to smile as much as she could and she'd make me laugh and smile in return. If something tragic came upon her, though, she'd be able to stay sane…she'd love me, Charlotte. That's all I want." Jasper shrugged and I nodded, stepping twice.

"That sounds wonderful, Jasper. It really does. You can still have that, you know," I tried to comfort him, tried to persuade him with a smile and warm voice, but Jasper's face darkened and he shook his head.

"It's too late for that. I…I don't know if I _can_ love like that anymore, Charlotte. I don't think you know how badly off I am."

"I have a clue. It's enough for at least a little hope for a chance at happiness." Jasper shook his head and turned back around away from me.

"I have no hope," he scoffed and I rolled my eyes at him. He was trying to build his imaginary guard back up.

"Only if you tell yourself that, Jasper. There's always a chance for happiness for good people." That was when Jasper just…snapped.

"I'm _not_ a good person, Charlotte! Can you not see that?" He spun around and yelled. I stayed stationary. Opposing Jasper was going to do neither of us any good.

"I'm a killer. A monster that thrives on the destruction of others. The only thing that I leave in my wake is grief, death, and bloodshed. Nothing inside of me is redeeming in any sorts—I'm _not_ a good person and never will be, Charlotte. Get that in your mind and stop wishing that the sun is going to rise one day and I'm going to be glad that I'm alive." Jasper spat out every word he said with such a great amount of venom that I was surprised I wasn't offended until I realized that ever offending word really was meant to demean _him_ and not yell at me. I stepped forward again.

"You know you were a good person, though." I caught him off-guard. Jasper sighed and stood a little straighter.

"_Were_," he retorted.

"And you still have those memories, right?" I stepped forward a second time. Jasper nodded solemnly.

"Then that has to mean that you still have that same person somewhere inside of you. You can still be that same person, Jasper." I was now within feet of him. We stared at each other for a second, and for once I really did see a person inside of his burgundy eyes that were slowly darkening into black. He was analyzing me as deeply as I was analyzing him, I knew, but I stood strong. Jasper was not Peter, but Jasper was still a companion. Not a friend…but I did like him. Or the man that I had originally met.

"Not for a long time." Jasper then shelled himself back up and turned around. This time, I let him walk away. He needed breath and I worn enough out of him already. Sighing, I turned around and headed back to the fire and sat back down in my original spot. Peter came back about an hour later and Jasper returned about fifteen minutes after him.

Jasper's eyes were bright red.

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**Dun-dun-dun...an insight into Charlotte and Jasper that I felt was needed. I have actually NEVER seen any one-on-one time between the two of them and so I wanted to voice them.**

**Another time for apologies-I am SO sorry that these chapters are so slow. I'm not leaving you guys, trust me. I really am not. I'm just incredibly busy...I'm getting into tech and dress rehearsals for my school musical and I'm pulling twelve and thirteen and fourteen hour days for it. So, I'm obviously exhausted. But, here is a chapter for y'all!**

**I would LOVE some reviews for this chapter...please?**


	23. Drumroll

I'm baaaaaaaaack.

Hello, my lovelies.

Two words: high-school sucks.

I am so. So. So. Sorry.

I am here to stay, now and forever.

(Thank you, Breaking Dawn)

A chapter should be up tonight, for sure…Once I find all my Jalice-related files.

First, I'm just going to answer some questions pertaining to the story I got.

One: Yes, Alice herself will be getting some airtime.

Two: Many of you have probably read The Twilight Illustrated Guide. I am aware that Jasper's story is not to Stephenie Meyer's words, but I'm not going to go back and edit the entire story. Alice's human life, to me, also wasn't nearly as complicated as it's described in The Guide. I still do not know if I'm going to change what I originally had planned.

Three: I will be slow, but my goal is to get two chapters out a month. I'm currently in a musical, so sometimes this will be achievable, and sometimes I'm going to barely get both of those out, but I will have a mini interlude like this if that's the case. That's most likely going to be January/February.

Four: I'm back!


	24. Mademoiselle

_1900_

_Charlotte_

Time passed in an odd fashion in our small little coven. While I could tell the days passed normally for me, just a simple cycle of sunrises and sunsets, I knew that Peter was having a harder time with Jasper being so miserable. He wasn't nearly as bad with coping as Jasper, but there were moments when I could tell things were going painfully slow for him.

Jasper, as usual, was stuck in a stand-still. It was like watching a human slowly drown in quicksand—with each passing day, he became a little less testy and his grip on reality would weaken just a slight bit until it was hard to even look at Jasper. I knew it was hard for him to control his own emotions from influencing my own, but knowing that didn't mean that it wasn't any easier being with him and not wanting to scream.

I sighed and ran a hand through my short little blond curls. The air around me was crisp and airy—a mid-summer sunset. The trees were keeping me shaded from the sun until the moon would come up and I would feel safe to walk around. No matter how much I knew I was safe where I was from humans, there was some thought in the back of my mind that Maria would come after me if I was caught in the sunlight. It was silly, I knew—I was safe then from Maria and her treacherous claws, but even twenty years later, she still scared the living daylights out of me. After all, I was changed at seventeen—it was easy for me to be scared when I still had physical mindset of a child.

While I had always been relatively moldable as a human, I wasn't like most girls in my small little town. I would walk around town; running errands for my mother, watching all the other women scuttle about, primping their hair and trying to impress the other men around town. While all of my peers were focused on finding a husband, I was just trying to take care of my family and the farm I lived on.

Whatever Maria saw in me, I'm not exactly sure what it was. Maybe it was the fact that I was physically strong for a girl because of all the farm work I did, or maybe because I didn't worry myself with trying to impress anyone and just I just lived for myself. I'm not sure why she chose me. I don't think I'll ever exactly see why she did, either. It doesn't really matter, I guess. In the end, I never would have met Peter without her. His life was in Dallas, Texas, while mine was in New Orleans. Maria _did_ scour the entire south for her vic—soldiers…

Footsteps started to echo behind me while the last sliver of the sun disappeared behind the horizon. I turned around, expecting to see Jasper since he liked to talk to me rather than Peter, but instead found the latter coming up to greet me with a wide smile on his face.

"You seem happy," I laughed. It was nice to see Peter cheery.

"I am." He slid up behind where I was sitting and wrapped his arms around me, burying his head in my neck. I couldn't help but let out a small giggle again.

"Do you know why I'm so happy, mademoiselle?" Peter loved teasing me about my French heritage by calling me 'mademoiselle' and all sorts of little things.

"Oh, I know exactly why." It was twenty years to the day since Peter had finally gotten up the courage to kiss me. "The question is what you're going to do about it," I teased and Peter laughed against my skin. He held me closer and I giggled in return.

"I think you have an idea." We both laughed that time and he kissed up and down my neck, trailing down my shoulder.

"Oh, Peter. You are definitely in a good mood," I teased, laughing again. He chuckled, his lips still trailing along any open patch of skin Peter could find.

"Entertained?"

"Thoroughly," he murmured sweetly as I turned my head and lifted his chin to kiss me. As usual, every kiss after that first one felt the same—just as simply complex with a soft kind of taste that made me melt right into the palm of his hand. Peter pulled away for a small moment and smiled at me, brushing an ornery curl out of the way of my face. I grinned right back as I kissed his cheek.

"That's not fair, sir." Peter rolled his eyes at me and kissed me on the nose.

"It's plenty fair, mademoiselle."

"Are you ever going to stop with the French quips?"

"Of course not." I laughed and kissed him again. Oh, Peter.

* * *

**I'm back! I figured I'd come in with a little bit of fluff. I love them. :D**

**Reviews, loves?**


	25. Sea Breeze

_1901_

_Maria_

My throat burned with that same kind of dry fire as it did every day. Most vampires considered the pain of thirst the bane of their existence, but it was a welcome reminder to me, seeing as I knew how to take advantage of the power of the pain. It was like a timer, always letting me know when I was the strongest and the weakest and when to fight and how to fight. I was smart. That was easy enough.

Fighting in a war wasn't my exact game, though—now I was simply making hell to make hell. Of course, one day, I would return to my original glory. The South would not be a tumultuous network of chaotic murdering. It would be a united, calculating machine under _my_ control. My key to this power was gone…for the moment…but I would have him back in due time.

The light sea breeze was salty and repulsive—no one was downwind enough for me to notice. There wasn't a scent sweet enough quite yet to risk getting captures. Currently, I was hiding in an alley with a clear view of the ocean. Children were playing, but their mothers and fathers were too close, and children annoyed me.

"Hello, Anne!" A voice was close. I stepped just a few steps forward, intrigued.

"Hello! How are you?"

"Fine, thank you. What about you and baby Mary? You're walking about awfully early for having given birth just a few weeks ago." I caught on quick enough this was some friendship between two women and one was tired with a newborn daughter. Not what I would prefer, but I would take it if needed. All they would need is to drop something and it roll into the alley…

"Oh, I was so tired of staying in bed with Mary all day. Andrew left a few days ago to take some pearls to Birmingham, and I just needed some fresh air." Finally, I catch a breeze to locate the scent. One is clogged with perfume and I hope it isn't the stronger of the two women so I can at least enjoy her if I catch her. The other smelled heavily of salt water. I knew worse and I knew better. I caught a third scent I didn't expect—apparently the baby was with its mother. It was a sweet and warm vanilla…it smelled a lot like my key. I liked this third scent quite a lot.

"Well, at least you are feeling better. Mary is quite beautiful, too." So the baby _was_ with its mother.

"Thank you, Alexandra. I think I want to call her Alice, though. Andrew would like that—she's named after our mothers, and he did love his mother so dearly. Alice sounds so much more cheery, doesn't it?" Either way, whoever was the vanilla scent, I wanted it. Now.

"Yes, I do suppose. I am sorry to cut this meeting so short, Anne, but I have to get going. Greg is waiting for me at home to cook dinner. It was nice seeing you and Alice!"

"You as well, Alexandra!" The women parted ways, and then my chance arose. The mother dropped her purse and it fell right into the alley. No other heartbeat was near. It was perfect.

"Maria!" I hissed as my new toy—a temporary replacement to my key—showed up just as the mother grabbed her purse and I slid into the shadows. I ignored my pawn for a moment as I looked at the source of the vanilla scent—a little baby girl with a mess of black hair and chocolate eyes. She was so close…

"Maria!" I hissed again. The mother walked away, unable to hear my mistake.

"What do you want?"

"There's a fight just outside of town. Someone heard your name through the grapevine. They're looking for you." I growled again. I never walked away from a fight, but a fight with me and an untrained, bumbling fool? No. Besides, being a ghost that haunted thoughts was much more terrifying than a reality.

* * *

**I had to be mean and scare the living crap out of you guys. I'm sorry.**

**But_, _****this means that Alice is coming up, guys! Excited? I am!**

**Reviews, loves?**


	26. Stand Tall

_1919_

_Alice_

"Stand tall. Keep your head up. Stand tall. Keep your head up," I whisper to myself. _Stand tall. Keep your head up. _I purposefully forget the third piece of advice. _Stand tall. Keep your head up._ I sigh and braid Cynthia's beautiful brown hair down her back and then twist it up into a bun. Her icy blue eyes are tired and forlorn—she's only ten and grieving a death she shouldn't have to face.

Someone should have listened to me. I should have been faster. Then maybe I would be dead and even if that meant more grief for Cynthia and our father, no one would have to deal with the burden of the possessed and condemned Brandon girl.

Cynthia turns around to look at me and her eyes are filled to the brim with tears. She hugs me close and I try to hold back my tears from her. _Stand tall. Keep your head up._

"I miss her, Alice. I want her back," she chokes out, sobbing, shaking in my arms. I stroke her hair softly like our mother did when one of us was upset.

"I know, Cynthia. I miss her, too." I missed her so much. She looked exactly like Cynthia. Long brown hair with streaks of gold and copper that complimented eyes as blue as the Biloxi sea—I missed my mother.

I took the two black hats that Alexandra, my mother's closest friend, had let us borrow and placed mine on, then Cynthia's. She pulled the netting over her face by herself, and it broke my heart to watch her to do so. She was a bright and happy little girl, excluding how she didn't understand why her older sister was hated so much. We were as thick as thieves and I always tried to be happy around her, even when I was so miserable otherwise. Now my bright and happy sister was dimmed and suffering.

She grips my hand and I squeeze it back reassuringly. We head down, a united, grieving front, to meet our father to go to the funeral.

"Cynthia, go to the car. I need to talk to Alice." She looked up at me fearfully. If there is anyone that hated my father's lecture about my 'talent' more than I did, it was Cynthia, and she was a smart girl. She knew what would happen if she left. I smiled at her and patted her shoulder.

"It's okay, Cinnamon. Go wait. We'll be there in just a minute." She nods and runs off. My heart drops through the floor. I know the strange man in the Model T is gone, but I still sink in fear every time Cynthia is out of my sight—both of them—until I know she's safe and sound. While she knew that I thought mother was under threat, she was brainwashed with the rest of Biloxi that her death was accidental.

"You have no right to call her that," my father snaps at me. I roll my eyes.

"I have every right to call her that. It brings her comfort!"

"Her _mother_ called her that and she's now dead! Give her time to heal and don't put her through more misery by reminding her." Of course, he's angry at me for simply calling her 'cinnamon'. Yes, my mother coined the name, but I know he knows we all used it. Hell, all of Biloxi would use the pet name. No one cared, though—the town changeling had no right to human emotion.

"Then take down all the pictures of her! Burn all her clothes, all the pillows she engraved, and sell all her jewelry! Take away any evidence she left and see how much that helps Cynthia." I am about to walk out the door when my father speaks again.

"Do you foresee it, Alice? Like you 'saw' Anne's death? Since your 'sight' is so reliable, of course I will do whatever you say." The venom in his words hurts too much to care. _Stand tall. Keep your head up._

"Oh, Alice: _do not stand with Cynthia and I_ at the funeral. You will stand in the back, do you understand?" He had to be kidding. I turn around and look at him, my vision tinged with red.

"She's my mother!"

"Yes, she was, but do not expect kindness if you stand by us when we get home. And you better shut your mouth and quiet down if you don't want to upset Cynthia." This made me stop. I was about to refute his point, saying that 'devil' or not, the funeral was for my mother and people would question if I wasn't in the front, but I stopped. He sneered victoriously at me and I just turned around and walked out the door. _Stand tall. Keep your head up._

Cynthia is blinking at me, wide-eyed and nervous. I shake my head at her, silently saying I'm fine, but part of me knows the inaudible lie does nothing for her nerves. Father sits in the front and Cynthia sits right next to me, curling her way under one of my arms. She was shivering, but not crying. I ran my hand up and down her arm, trying to sooth her some way without my father protesting in some way. All I had to do was make sure he wasn't angered directly in front of Cynthia just for today. Tomorrow, she could handle it. Not today, though.

Finally, we got to the graveyard and Cynthia froze. I was able to coax her out of a smile, but she soon figured out I wasn't following them.

"Alice, aren't you coming?"

"I'm going to stay behind here and direct people in. I'll be there soon. Don't worry. Go ahead, Cinna—Cynthia." Father's eyes flash, but he's calm again as Cynthia takes his hand and they walk towards my mother's grave. From afar, I stay by the car. No one looks at me or talks to me as they pass through dressed in deep black. Some of them are there just to show that they are there, and some are there for my mother. Still, I keep my head high and I stand tall.

My aunt and uncle pass by me, and this time, I'm the one with my head down. They still blamed me for Tom's death, even if it was three years ago. I missed him just as anyone else in the family, but no one noticed that.

An hour later, my feet are hurting in my black heels and people are starting to file out of the graveyard. I catch a glimpse of a fresh new grave, unworn by the elements, with flowers resting in its shadow.

"Goodbye, mother," I whisper to myself, finally letting a tear or two drop. Any sign of grief was gone by the time Cynthia and Father returned. The three of us climbed back into the car and assumed our original positions.

The night went like this: I stayed in Cynthia's room, holding her as she cried, only pausing to bring us up some food. When she was sound asleep for at least two hours, and father had gone to bed, I picked some flowers out of the front garden and made the silent walk to the graveyard.

Some of the flowers that had been there before were blown away, but most were still there. I sat next to her graveyard and placed them at the end of the grave.

"I miss you, Momma," I sighed, feeling eight instead of eighteen. "I miss you so much," I gasped out, finally breaking down since I had found her car driven off the side of the road.

_Stand tall. Keep your head up. Most importantly, do not tell anyone about what you see, Alice. Please. Don't tell anyone._

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**So Alice is now introduced to the story! Yes, I started when she was already eighteen, and yes, I am going with the Illustrated Guide's backstory, up until she's committed. It made more sense and had less gaps, but I am taking full creative license with her in the asylum.**

__**Alice is here!**

**Reviews, loves?**


	27. And

_1920_

_Alice_

I did not even get to say goodbye.

My back ached. My head ached. My feet hurt, and my eyes stung. I looked around the small confines of my new home-in the state asylum.

Maybe I was crazy. Maybe I deserved to be here. Momma was right. I should not have told anyone about anything I had ever seen. This supposed "gift" was a curse that had cursed me to live in hell.

If I had not ran, though. If I had not said anything...I would be dead. The same man who had driven my mother off the road would have killed me, too. As a little girl, death was terrifying. Now...now...I did not know what I preferred.

I curled up on my hard bed. I was not allowed windows, so I had nothing besides my own head to keep me company. That sounded like insanity enough.

Little Cinnamon...my little spicy Cinnamon. I immediately burst into tears. I did not even get to say goodbye. That was the hardest part. That was the painful part. My father could go to hell. I needed my Cinnamon. She needed me.

Hours later, I was rudely awaken. I was pulled up by two orderlies and shoved out of my room. What was happening? What was happening? I started screaming and didn't even realize it. They shoved me harder. A door opened and I was strapped to a table. Things were taped on me, strapped on me...I looked over and screamed louder. Electroshock. Electroshock...I screamed again and fought, but they somehow got the mouthpiece and...

And...

And...

I woke up again in my room. I did not remember windows, but I had them. Did I have them before? Who knew? Who cared? I giggled to myself. Outside, there was a groundskeeper trimming some bushes. He looked into my window. I waved at him and smiled brightly. He smiled back and waved back. He was far away, the groundskeeper, but I could tell he was incredibly pale. Funny trait for a groundskeeeper.

* * *

**I'm back! Honestly, guys, I'm lucky if any have you have stuck with my by this point. Honestly, I was also going to take this story all the way into Breaking Dawn. I'm not sure anymore. I got some recent reviews, though, and was thinking about how much ease writing this brought me, and I've been stressed. So, here I am, back and writing. I originally had a huge timeline for this fic, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to 100% stay with that anymore (mostly because that is only computer compatible and I'm typing this from a KindleFire), but we'll see. I want to be honest with you guys, all the way. I'm sorry it's been over a year, but I have people STILL giving me reviews. My goal is to at least see Alice and Jasper to when they meet the Cullens, by the end of the summer. I don't know. But. here is Alice in the asylum.**

**Story related rant now: I know I said in a original post that I would follow SM's backstory for Alice, and I wasn't going to go back and change Jasper's story to match SM. Second half is still true. And I'm still going to keep true to SM up until Alice is changed. After that, though, I'm going to do my own thing. Because I disagree with SM. So. There. Yeah.**

**This is Alice in the asylum. Voila.**

**PS: I'm writing this at 3 AM. Sorry if poor quality. Reviews would be appreciated, even if it's been over a year and a half. I still love my loyal fans.**


	28. Identity

_1920_

_Alice_

"I'm sorry, Alice. You're going to hate me for this, but it's the only way to save you. I'm sorry. I hope you make it out all right," William rushed out before sinking his teeth into my wrist.

He carried my writhing body to a field three counties away from the asylum within less than a minute. Or was it an hour? The inescapable fire consumed the essence of time and spit it back in my face in a scorching, searing burn. William set me down in the field. His deep crimson eyes were sad.

"Damn that hunter to hell," he muttered. I blinked, and William was gone.

The fires flames washed over me, sealing me inside my own torture. The flames grew stronger and stronger and stronger, my heart beating faster...the trauma washed over my head, too. The ability to process, to think, and to remember was beat away by the flames. They were beat away, harder and harder, until...

I opened my eyes.

Bright green grass gently grazed across my skin. I looked over, and all I could see was this bright, green grass. Each blade was distinguishable, each razor sharp in clarity. I could feel each blade separately as the wind blew the grass to the...north east. Hundreds of blades...I found myself counting each separate piece in my head. Then I breathed.

My throat was a dry, desperate burn. I wanted to choke at the pain, but the reflex to gasp, to choke, to try and clear the burn...it never came. It just stayed there in my throat, simmering, climbing slowly. The burn desired something...

I sat up and was thrown from the field. My eyes still saw the grass around me, and the willow tree I was under, and the birds flying in a flock nearly a mile from me. All of this stayed in sight. I never once lost track of that. But, my mind started to play a second image.

It was a cool diner. The windows played an overcast scene, letting out a light drizzle that banned most people from the streets. Two figures were at the focal point. One was small. Small was to understate the figure. She was the true epitome of petite. Her dark hair was swept to the side, though there was not much to sweep. Her eyes were a welcoming gold the shade of honey on a summer day, and she had a hand outstretched the second figure.

A man. A man that had a network of...scars...running over every visible part of skin. They were terrifying to look at, but not the woman that looked more fairy like than anything. His eyes were as black as night, foreboding as a child's nightmare. He was looking at the pixie's outstretched hand, hesitant.

Reality snapped me back to the present. I didn't know I had seen, but I...I had to see that man. I had to. That pixie had been...had been me. I needed to know that man. His name...Jasper. I didn't know why I knew his name, but I did. And he was real and I needed _him_.

I stood and ran for him. I needed Jasper. The second I had stepped out of the shade of the tree, though...I was nearly blinded by my own skin. I was..sparkling?! I retreated back into the shade and stared at my hands. What was I? Where was I? Who...Who was I? I tried to reach back for a moment, a glimpse, a figment of anything before I opened my eyes in that field, but the only thing that came to me was black.

A small paper bracelet was my only ticket to an identity. I was dressed in a modest, gray, shapeless dress. Had I been in a hospital? I looked at the bracelet and turned it around. In small, neat handwriting was one word: Alice.

Alice. That had to be my name, right? Alice. No last name. No middle name. That was all I had. I sat back in the grassfield, still reeling from whatever was happening.

I was snapped back into that second sight. A person was going to find me. He was scary pale, all of his skin covered...with bright red eyes. His face was kind, though. He wasn't going to hurt me.

That tree kept me hidden for nearly five hours. Four hours, fourty-nine minutes, and thirty two seconds. He saw me, too, but was weary, for some reason. Weary of me. I saw him miles away. At firs, he wasn't going to find me. Then he was again. Then he was going to kill me...then he was going to find me again.

I watched him walk carefully towards the tree I was under.

"Who are you?" he asked, defensive. His face was still kind, though.

"Alice. My-my name is Alice," I said, looking up at him. I was...angered by the thought of him wanting to kill me. Blindly rageful.

"Who changed you?" The man asked.

"What?"

"Who changed you? He has to be around here somewhere..." the man looked around the field, before back at me.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I just woke up here five hours ago. I don't know where I came from. Who I am besides my name...You aren't going to hurt me, though. You can't," I said, looking at him.

"You...you really don't know, do you?" He asked, fascinated.

"No. I have no clue, besides that you're about to tell me that I'm a vampire," I said. Now that one shocked him.

"So you're gifted...interesting...well...I can't have you loose on people. So. Well. Alice, you're a vampire. My name is Michael. I'm a vampire, too," Michael said, smiling. But, he was weary.

"Let's go find you lunch," he sighed, taking my hand.

"Oh. We might need to find you some extra clothes...we can't have you seen," he said.

So I was a vampire. Vampire. I had two identities. Alice the vampire. Interesting.

* * *

**So Alice is a vampire. I decided to leave alone the rest of her backstory, because I think I left the rest of the important stuff already written. So yeah. She's a vampire.**

**Reviews are highly appreciated, my loves.**


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